this probably will be another word vomit post
but im crying right now. i dont even know why. i dont even want to know why.
sometimes my subconscious knows things far earlier than my awareness does. i get left behind by my brain. 

last class of the semester today. 
im both sad and glad that this semester is over. 

sad because im parting with my lecturers this semester. tbh i rly rly enjoyed philosophy. kurt is a good lecturer. i would take all of his class if only he doesnt teach philosophy hahaha. but srsly he's a cool guy and very very fun to talk to. 
then prof Arack. he's totally the grandpa style lecturer haha. super helpful with my paper writing process and he tries super hard to make us focus in class cos we all know his materials are super super dry and boring. it's just how research methods is. dry. and technical. haha.
then my anthro lecturer, Wynn. she's really into what she's teaching. a tough lady. got me rly into anthropology tbh. i might minor in it haha.
and ofc dr. T~ i like his classes so much im taking biopsyc with him next semester. i just hope i can survive it hue.

glad this semester is over.
because. I AM A MESS. my head is a big damn mess. my life is a mess. my bathroom is a mess. my bedroom is a mess. my apt is a mess. my whole existence is a big mess. 
i just need a break to straighten things up.
i seriously did not have a single. not A SINGLE. full weekend to myself. to grab hold of all the loose ends in my head. i just keep on chucking things everywhere. the things inside my head and outside my head. i need help.
i need to start meditating again. i just need a hug so so bad right now. 
i shld install a pacemaker in my life. someone invent that thing pls.

i just hope nothing will change between my friends during my time at indo.
humans are too fickle. well i am fickle too. 
i feel like everything is slipping away from me tho.
jeff said time will reveal it all. true colors. what is my true color? 
i feel like im constantly changing my mindset every single day as i learn more things in class. but lately i feel as if im getting a bit too arrogant. arrogance is a sign of ignorance. i should cultivate myself~ 
what have i become what have i become. i have become an ignorant little piece of shit hahahha. why am i even laughing. i just want to go back home home home and sleep in my cozy bed. and maybe think about life. and act like a little princess in front of my parents. i miss home.


heh
i'll be fine
we'll be fine jane


annyeong♡

hey people.
im not dead in case you're wondering. i mean. im not even sure that i still have readers. 
my post that has the highest views is still exo's ideal type. srsly is anyone still into exo lol

so quick updates.

im going back to indo in less than a month.
my dad told me i look like i haven't lost any weight i gained when i went back last winter break, which is true. SO
i challenged myself to stop drinking boba in one month. that also includes other drinks such as starbucks drinks. i only drink their green tea fraps lol. im a loser i don't drink coffee. also includes soda. which is not that hard, i dont drink much soda to begin with. soda is bad. it's negative energy in a can lol. no it's just sugar but. still. 
and i have to cut off snacks too. so no snak saks for a month. im sad. i kept on sneaking a piece every now and then. 
but still no boba for a month. we can do this.
finals is in 2 weeks. i am so not ready for it. but i dont remember being ready for anything so. we'll be fine.
found myself caught in a position where a bunch of ppl are telling me to date.. i dont even know how i got into this mess in the first place. it's not that i dont want to date but the circumstances are so not making things work for me. so maybe no. i think im sliding into "comfortable-land" sorry. but i dont think anything exciting will happen soon lol. maybe i just dont want to date yet? idk im in a weird phase with all my friends. somehow feeling as if im just doing the "picking the lesser evil" thingy with all my friends. recently i found out that i just hate everybody lol. tumblr, what have you done to me. 
may has been a little bit crazy. even tho it's barely the second week of may. 
in one week i gave out 3 different types of cards for 3 different occasion: a birthday, a wedding and a funeral. 
a crazy crazy beginning of the month that i did not expect.
the card that was sent to the funeral, it was for a friend of mine. it was rly hard. really really hard. thinking about it drives me to the wall. i feel like there's a knot in my throat. 
the first thing i felt was disbelief. no it's not true. how can it be true. this is a sick joke. i don't know what to feel. then when it hit me. it was like a slap, it hurts a lot. thinking about it still makes me want to cry. but i hope she's in a better place now. a place where she would be a lot happier. 
the wedding was nice. the yellow and white theme makes everything looks like the embodiment of spring~

in a nutshell i think i broke myself in the head again. 
and i cant wait to go back to indo to fix myself. 
i just hope nothing major changes with the people here when i go back to indo. 
and pls pls let my new housemate be nice so that i won't attempt to choke her in her sleep. or my sleep.

btw im supposed to be writing my psyc paper now but i dont think it will be happening soon. 
so
bye


annyeong♡ 
ps. did not proof read, read at your own risk. it's just word vomit