hi! 我回來了！好久不見 lolol
今天超想用中文寫博客的～ 所以不會讀中文的寶貝們，對不起啦 哈哈哈
hmmm 那該說什麼好呢？
暑假到了！我終於考完finals了～ 天啊，這兩個星期超痛苦的！一直不停的寫paper，還要讀很多materials。art history害到我快要瘋掉了。幸好我的paper還可以拿到37／50。不然我一定會抓狂！！！
好啦，因為讀我博客的人大多數都不會讀中文，我就用英文寫吧～
yes i just feel like writing in mandarin for a bit earlier.. but still i put a lot of english words in it lol. i still fail at mandarin..i should practice more!!!or maybe go back to taiwan next summer keke~
so..what i wrote in mandarin earlier is basically just reporting my current condition.. i'm officially done with my spring term!yay for me!!! finals week was sooo bad i was so stressed out i almost just lost it.. art history was the worst for me! beside that ridiculous paper, the finals almost just made me give up on studying!!! but i survived!! yesssss~~ i felt so happy on the last day of finals i just didn't care anymore haha.
it was kinda sad that the spring term has ended just like this tho.. mostly bcos i won't meet any of my classmates anymore next term..only if i'm extreeeemely lucky. that means i won't be able to meet that jae anymore..which is a good thing i guess..i won't have to worry about someone spitting in front of me anymore lmao~ but i'm gonna miss that face of his.. the only thing about him that i like haha.
plus i probably won't meet that khj guy anymore..dayum~ last day of finals he was the one who drove the bus to my campus i was mad happy i stared at him like a creeper. no regrets! even if i creeped him out, i would totally regret it if i didn't stare at him. cos who knows when i'm gonna meet him again~ it's not like we even know each other or anything lolol.
i'm a bit /depressed/ right now. cos my babies and kids are here in LA and i'm nowhere near socal right now~ dammit i feel like flying to LA right nowwww~ i want to see my exo babies and SHINee kids~
and talking about my baby SHINee, they are going to be 4 years old in a few days!!! i so need to write a blogpost dedicated to their birthday!!! i can't believe it's already 4 years since i'm in kpop~!!! seeing my SHINee babies grow up so well..i feel like a proud mom lmao. plus SM family has just got themselves a new baby into the family!! 12 little babies in exo! my love for exo is so big i cannot with all of them.. i just couldn't pick a bias!!! but if you put a knife on my throat i'd choose Kris!
i would totally love to intro the whole group here but you guys can do your own research if you're interested..i don't rly want to annoy my readers anymore lolol
i'm still very convinced that exo has some kind of spell that made me fell uncontrollably for them.. they are just the cutest thing ever i really feel like they are babies! well except for kris he's just a bitch-faced duizhang who is too sexy to be seen as a baby lol.
honestly when i first saw kris, i did not like him at all.. i was surprised that a lot of people actually like him when they saw his teaser and i was just "mehh so what".. i guess i shouldn't have done that bcos now i'm just crazy about him! haha
but truly his face is not the type that i'd fall for...i'm just in a constant battle with myself..how can i fall for a face like that.. but..his body tho.. his body is no joke! that i can guarantee you.. his body is soooooo good! i mean his proportions look like he popped out of a comic book..esp the comic called "the wallflower" his proportions is just like the 4 boys in that comic!!! i just love his hands~ so big with long fingers.. the type that will keep your hands warm in winter lol. i have hand fetishes now lmao. yes kris is the leader with crazy body proportions and a bitch face that will melt you when he smiles. his smile is the craziest thing in the world you absolutely cannot spit at his smiling face!hahahhah. i tried to frown at his smile,i really did but it failed horribly lmao.
but,even tho kris has that crazy body proportions, i really like the body of another member.. it's tao, the kungfu panda who actually is just a cutiepie who's also a bag of fail~ haha. tao has the best musculature in exo! thanks to years of practicing wushu i guess.. so guys,if you want a body that girls will go crazy for, practicing wushu would be something you guys should consider in the plan. cos tao's thighs, butt, arms and abdomen is no joke. especially his thighs and butt. i will not sugarcoat this but rly i'm in love with his butt lol~ and i've always love guys' thighs since i don't know when.. i love key's thighs too it's the best thing ever ;p
sometimes i do wonder what people think about my love for thighs and butts lmao.. sometimes i wonder whether they even know that i love thighs and butts and that sometimes when i see pics my eyes would wander to the crotch first lmao~ i guess i should try to get rid of that habit..what if i met someone and i directly stare at his crotch.. awkward.. but srsly i've done my research..guys who exercise a lot will have really nice butts~ hahahha unless you're just born butt-less..then there's basically nothing i can do hahahha. xiumin also has naise butts omg ide.
i told myself i should let these things stay in tumblr but i just can't aahhh~~someone stop me!
i must say, after liking kpop, nothing really freaks me out much anymore haha~
i'd totally love to share this MV which i personally love to bits after watching it for a few times
i will not deny that i was a bit put off by the teaser..but i checked the MV out anyways cos who can contain my curiosity.. first view i was thinking omg what is that!!! but then i just love it anyway hahahha~ the thing that shocked me the most is that the girl in 1:54 is junsu himself!! damn my pride as a girl is hurt so much how can a guy look that pretty! hahahha. a youtuber even commented that it beats gaga! how cool is that~!! hahaha
and talking about gaga, i heard that there's some problems regarding her concert in jakarta.. because she is, and i quote this, "inappropriate" for the public consumption and "satanic". and i'm like really?you think gaga is satanic? and so what if she's satanic..will she like convert indo fans into cult followers or something lolol. is indo really that backwards? /sigh/ why can't you just let her fans enjoy her music??? sometimes i wonder is it an indonesian trait to meddle into other people's business and just do unnecessary stuff even when you have more important things to care about. is it? or am i just stereotyping here haha~ just show gaga some indonesian love okay~ hahaha
i guess that's it for tonight..i'm too sleepy to continue.. i might start blabbering stuff that no one wants to read about..which probably means it's gonna either be reaaally boring, or it's just the ugliest truth about something or someone or myself.
annyeong! ☀
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
oh my darling hey you
hello everybodyyyy~ i'm feeling hyper right now i guess i had too much tea~ never knew that tea can make me hyper. hmm~
first of all i shall do the routine apology that i do in every single post of mine.. i'm sorry for not posting for so so so so long~ please accept my apology and this cup of tea~
honestly i have no idea what i'm going to write about today.. as usual my post usually starts normally with me apologizing and ends up with me ranting about every single thing that displeases meeeeee~ /sigh/
well not that there's a lot of stuff that displeases me is happening now..maybe one or two but i can still handle it so let's just hope that this high tea can keep me high enough that i won't rant by the end of this beautiful post teehee
maybe i should start talking about some stuffs that's been happening to me in these few weeks? like a short update? so..last week was Davis' PICNIC DAY~
so.. what's a picnic day? well it's not really like what i imagined it to be so let me elaborate. it's called picnic day maybe because it started as a day when people get out for a picnic? but it evolved into something else.idk.. but in a nutshell, Davis' picnic day is a yearly event that takes place in the supposedly 'start of spring' i guess.. and what do people do there? well, the day starts with a parade, which i personally loved! whether it's the parade i love or something else about it that i loved, i'll tell you guys in a while /winkwink/ and then there were activities that takes place in the UC Davis campus..some were cool, some were okay, some were... idk..i just don't like it haha! well the whole day is really fun. but, i would personally enjoy it more if it wasn't freaking 90 degrees that day.. in fahrenheit that is.. i can only imagine myself getting slowly roasted or broiled in 90 degrees celsius..yum~ but the only thing i love about the weather that day is that it induced the guys with hot delicious bodies into thinking that it's best that they go topless.. i think i'm very lucky to not find one that's fully naked, the heat was just ugh! sidenote: it's actually not that hot if compared to indo. just meh~ but after 3 months of winter you would imagine the sudden heat to be sooo unbearable~ and i'm still deciding whether i'm supposed to be happy or sad when i got tanned, cos i honestly was starting to get a little bit too yellow for my liking.. not that it's wrong to be yellow, that's what asians are supposed to be..yellow /harharhar/ *srsly do not treat me srsly*
well there guys also get a lot of treat for the eyes~ cos obviously the girls figured it's time to bring their sundresses out!!and maybe a couple of short shorts.. i myself wore a pair of shorts~ my pretty legs' debut in america baby! and yes in case you wondered sometimes, i was induced into thinking that unshaved legs were creepy since the first day i was here so guess what, i shaved my legs!!! i am so easily influenced but then again when you see every single girls here with smooth legs you'd feel like you're inclined to do that... trust me, i did my research.. and by research i mean staring at girls' legs every single day. i was just basically trying to spot a girl with hairy legs to tell me "jane,it's okay to not shave.." sadly i just couldn't find one.. so sad...... hahahaha but srsly, i really did that.
i must say i didn't really enjoy the day at all. i was basically walking all around campus, which is, at least personally i think, unbelievably big. my college campus seems so small compared to UCD~ dammit i should hurry and transfer to a UC lol. so it was hot as hell*pun intended* and i spent the whole day walking around under the sun.. with only hot and cute topless guys walking around as my consolation, it truly was not that great of a day. i have photos, but mostly of the parade..because of... reasons.. i wish i could elaborate but i just could not find words to explain haha. excuses~ it's because my energy was basically drained at around noon and i was already a hot piece of mess and by hot i don't mean sexy hot but literally temperature hot..damn that sun..i love you!
i'm starting to rant here haha~
so besides of my adventure on picnic day maybe i talk about a new love visual[?] interest of mine...because truly love is not a word i should use ever so easily, what do i know about love between a man and a woman. not much i guess..haha! *someone stop me before i try to write in a corny way*
well, he's a very interesting target i must say, cos he shifted from being a visual interest to someone i really really want to be friends with.. i noticed him first when he's driving a bus. and before anyone of you say "WHATT? you're interested in a bus driver? srsly??? jane? jane?" let me tell you something, he's a student and before you ask how the fuck did i know that, it's because almost all the bus drivers of Davis' Unitrans are students.. it's a UCD bus company, basically creating jobs and convenience for students. nice right? i love unitrans to bits i must say~ i get to see cute guys and girls driving the bus all the time.
and back to the story~ he was driving the bus which i happen to take that night to go to a club meeting, and he reminds me a lot of Kim Hyunjoong with the same shades~
and if you happen to be living in another planet and not know what Kim Hyunjoong is.. here's a picture of him to refresh that brain of yours..
well i should warn you not to imagine that guy to be reeaaaallly similar to the pic above..only slightly similar with almost the same shades.. his face without the shades is..okay.i guess. well in my standard he's above average[?] that means his features are okay..his face is clean. by clean i mean, cleanly shaved and not much pimples in sight. and he's slightly tanned, with slight *i'm using the term 'slight' very loosely here* eyebags and dark circles under his eyes and his lips are slightly fleshier than Kim Hyunjoong's..which i personally don't mind, i find it really kissable lol.not that i've kissed a guy in the lips before. ;p and he's a lot more lankier than kim hyunjoong~ and his back is a bit hunched,i wish someone cld help him change that habit~~ haha
so after that first meeting i met him a few days after,on my way to class on wednesday..he was helping his friend who was driving the bus that day.the bus at that hours are notoriously crowded. so he's basically helping to speed things up by herding people into the bus.. i'm using the term herding loosely too..pls i'm not referring that we are sheep. if you know what i mean. ;p i was almost ecstatic to see him cos i just didn't expect to be able to see him again that quick.. and guess what, i met him again on picnic day! he was standing across of me in the parade. am i lucky or what..i mean, the whole campus is that big and i just happen to be standing right across of him~ fuck yeahh~~ and he was wearing a pair of mint colored pants~ i love mint! keke~ well the thing is he was with a girl that day.. dammit..but then again who knows who she is.. i was with a guy the whole day on picnic day too~ my indo classmate lol~ i was sorta responsible for him since i was the one who asked him to check picnic day out haha~
and so yeah,back to the main point.. so that guy which i shall refer with the term 'khj' to ease us all, was standing across of me when the parade was going on.. and of course i will not give that precious chance a miss.. i basically took a lot of pics of him.. it wasn't really intentional at first tho..he was standing across of me i couldn't help but include him in the background of my pics. and of course i took a few other close ups as well, i love my camera lol~ so that was it for picnic day~ i met him again on monday when he's playing baseball and i was on my way to the pool to watch my friends play inner tube water polo. i shall tell you inner tube water polo is so fun to watch!!!
and on wednesday, i met him again! it's the point where his position as a visual interest changed into a position as someone i'd love to have as a friend.. so i basically got his schedule figured out.wednesday at around 12.30 he'll be in the silo station where i usually transfer bus to get to my campus.. i thought i'd not be able to meet him that day cos it was 12.25 and i can't seem to spot him anywhere..then suddenly he comes running around and was practically hopping around from one bus to another just shifting the bus around like an energizer bunny! i thought it was hella cute. haha! and then something else happened. the bus that i was on wasn't moving even when it's time for it to leave the station..turns out that the bus was helping me out,letting me see him a lot longer than i was supposed to~ the bus door just won't close.. and guess who comes along hopping trying to help his fellow friend with the bus door~ /i'm so dramatic~/ but he really was skipping around the silo. omg. that was the cutest thing ever haha~ i'm so biased tho! hahahaha~
okay so he was helping his friend check the door, walking in and out of the bus i was in and just telling his friend to press any button..and there was this retractable ramp that usually people on wheelchair use, and maybe he thought that it's not retracted properly and thought that it was a good idea to jump up and down on it. literally like a little kid, he jumped up and down in front of the bus in front of all the passengers of the bus. i was trying so hard not to laugh out loud oh my good lord. he's such a cutie! and of course, the bus, knowing that i don't want to part ways with him that soon, still won't let the door close~ so he was running back and forth i don't even know where he went~ haha. after 3 mins that seems like a long yet short time the door finally closes.. i almost said "whaaat??" out loud~hahaha. but then he was outside the door doing a small yay and clapping like a kid cos he was just that happy that the door finally closes haha~ it wa the cutest thing ever~ omg i haven't felt that way looking at a guy for a long time..usually it's like oh wow he's so cool~he looks so good in that, his body is so good, but not he's such a cutieeee~ well with the exception of guys in kpop, which doesn't even count cos i won't even have a chance at all to know them in a personal level lol~i'm not that delusional guys~
so i just cannot i cannot... i really really want to get to know him! such a cheerful character haha~ but i keep getting the feeling like i've seen his face somewhere before tho, not because i think he looks like kim hyunjoong or anything, well in fact i decided that he shall not be compared to him.. but it's just as if i saw his face somewhere else.. hmm~ that's a mystery mystery~ hahahha
just wish me luck guys~ even though he might already have a girlfriend, i srsly do not mind just being his friend..he's too much of a cutie pie to give a miss~ ;p
omgggg~ i cannot stop picturing him jumping up and down~
someone stop me before i murder someone lol~ okay i shld stop it now..
and finals is coming aaaah i'm so not readyyyyy TT TT
i can't believe this term is ending!! i can't wait for the end of the year to come tho..i want to go back to indoooo!!! i miss all my crazy friends back there.. i miss all the food!!!
i miss everything i don't even know what i really miss anymore lol~
i guess it's enough for this post..i'm glad it didn't turn out as a rant post yay!
or my readers will have faces like this..
not another rant post!!!
so okay my job is done i shall fill you guys in again if i have anything that's not rant and interesting...
annyeongggg~~ i shall drink more tea! :D
Saturday, March 10, 2012
hi people~
yes i haven't posted anything for a long time i'm so sorry haha.
i've been kinda busy with all my assignments and stuffs and thus i got zero mood to blog cos i'll probably just rant a lot if i did haha.
so why did i decide to blog tonight? cos i'm escaping from my assignments! haha. i am so sick of making papers for my classes~ well it's basically like blogging but i have to talk about things that are not of my interest haha.
okay first of all i'll report about my condition again and all of you readers should pretend that you care.
i survived my second month here and am almost halfway in my third.. yes it's march! time flies. even when you're not having so much fun haha. i must say i have adapted a lot more to the conditions here right now. although i haven't got as much friends as i wish, but i'm surviving haha. college is okay too i guess. i didn't really get into too much trouble in the learning process, i just hope i can say so too for the midterms. >< i'm kinda worried about my art history midterms tho. so much to analyze... i still like physics better, it's more straightforward..haha. i guess i'm still a science kid after all.
i'm kinda guessing that march is going to be the month i love most up till now because of all the k-pop stuffs that's happening.
first of all my babies, SHINee, is going to have a comeback this month! YEAY~ after waiting for more than 1 year, they are finally releasing a korean album. it's a dream come true for all shawol.. up till today there are 3 teasers already~ minho's, taemaknae's and onew's.. honestly when minho's teaser went up i could not make myself believe that it's true,i just thought that it's a random troll on tumblr cracking a big joke on shawols.. and i have my reasons to do so. first minho's hair is... idk, not my type[?] is the most polite way to put it haha. and he's topless. well not that it's the first time i saw him topless, but idk, the concept is so different haha. then taem's came out the next day and he was topless too. i saw that pic on the bus and i was gasping for air when i saw it. i guess the person who sat next to me was kinda freaked out haha. i literally wanted to puke cos i was so excited and i could not even squeal inside the bus dammit. i failed miserably at keeping a straight face but at least i didn't make any sound. hahaha. and today when onew's came out i was screaming my face off..partly cos i was excited and mostly cos i was alone in the apartment so no one gives a fuck whether i was screaming or not,well except for my neighbors..maybe.. haha. but they talk loudly in the middle of the night so i guess i was already being quite courteous when i shouted in the afternoon. onew totally looked like a kid.he was not topless in the pic.. okay he maybe topless but he's wrapped in a blanket so it doesn't count.. shawols just went crazy today, mostly cos we all missed onew a lot cos he was missing like what jjong did before.. so when his teaser pic came out looking like he's an angel everyone just went mad hahahha.
and i just love my fandom. shawols are just a bunch of crazy delusional annoying dorks that say crazy funny and stupid stuff all the time but at the end of the day all of us just love the boys so so much.. yes i'm one of them so i'm also crazy delusional and annoying, which i guess most of you already know by now.
so in a nutshell my SHINee boys are making their comeback this month and i'm hella happy~ the end.
another thing that made me really happy is EXO's new MV..i kinda gave up as to when they will be debuting because i guess SM don't really know as well... and now that my babies are having their comeback i just don't care anymore hahaha. but i must say they are of really good quality.. SM is a company which knows how to pick people who are already the "all-in-one package" type. good looks, good vocals, knows how to dance well, maybe know how to act, do martial arts.. talk to animals. lol okay maybe not the last one~ but all of them are good at at least 2-3 things i mentioned above. EXO members are all damn hot and their voices are soooo good i cannot~ haha. my personal fave is a chinese member,yixing.. his stage name is LAY. which reminds me of my fave brand of chips which comes in seaweed flavor but then they don't have seaweed flavor here dammit. i don't know why i like him i'm just attracted to his looks cos obviously i know nothing about his personality..i only know that he's a 91 liner and i have a tendency to be biased at 91 liners.. don't ask me why it's natural attraction. haha~
and guess what readers, i finally found a friend that i can spazz about k-pop with~ i met her in a BUS. i guess i really have to thank God cos i have no other explanation haha. my wish came true. :D i'm so happy that i smiled from cheek to cheek when we found each other on the bus that day~ she's a b2uty and a shawol,blinger to be exact. and her personality just clicked with mine~ i met a fellow fan girl earlier in feb but then she's a v.i.p *bigbang's fan* and we just don't really match.. i don't know but i guess it's true that each fandom has it's own personality. shawols are down right crazy and weird and we spazz at a different level and type from v.i.ps.. i used to be a b2uty too before it got too overwhelming that i can only hold on to one fandom and i chose shawol. or maybe the fandom chose me... *pardon me for being crazy,it's midnight already* so i got along quite well with this new found friend of mine haha~ if everything goes well i might get a few more fangirl friends~ and we can all go watch a concert together yay!
~> and there's something quite interesting going on since i've been here.. so it turns out that a lot of people assume that i'm a korean.. which i'm still deciding whether it is a good thing or not, but then i'm gonna just ask people to guess where i'm from every time i introduce myself haha~ so basically up till now,most people think i'm korean, only 1-2 think i'm japanese and 1-2 that thinks i'm a chinese.. indo got 0 votes cos basically i don't look like an indonesian to them..which is true cos i'm chinese. haha. but it's still kinda fun~~~ i'm gonna see which country does most people assume i'm from by the end of this term..i should go make more friends~~~ :D
i guess that's it for tonight i'm too sleepy to continue~ if i go on and write something else it'll just become a post that makes no sense at all~
and yeah it's my birthday in a few days.. maybe i should get myself new clothes or shoes or smtg new.. i always bought something for myself each year.. and this year is gonna be my last teenage year oh noooooooo~ i can't believe i'm going to be 19 already omg. not so excited to grow older cos it means people will start to expect that i act more mature.... /sigh...
annyeong~♥
yes i haven't posted anything for a long time i'm so sorry haha.
i've been kinda busy with all my assignments and stuffs and thus i got zero mood to blog cos i'll probably just rant a lot if i did haha.
so why did i decide to blog tonight? cos i'm escaping from my assignments! haha. i am so sick of making papers for my classes~ well it's basically like blogging but i have to talk about things that are not of my interest haha.
okay first of all i'll report about my condition again and all of you readers should pretend that you care.
i survived my second month here and am almost halfway in my third.. yes it's march! time flies. even when you're not having so much fun haha. i must say i have adapted a lot more to the conditions here right now. although i haven't got as much friends as i wish, but i'm surviving haha. college is okay too i guess. i didn't really get into too much trouble in the learning process, i just hope i can say so too for the midterms. >< i'm kinda worried about my art history midterms tho. so much to analyze... i still like physics better, it's more straightforward..haha. i guess i'm still a science kid after all.
i'm kinda guessing that march is going to be the month i love most up till now because of all the k-pop stuffs that's happening.
first of all my babies, SHINee, is going to have a comeback this month! YEAY~ after waiting for more than 1 year, they are finally releasing a korean album. it's a dream come true for all shawol.. up till today there are 3 teasers already~ minho's, taemaknae's and onew's.. honestly when minho's teaser went up i could not make myself believe that it's true,i just thought that it's a random troll on tumblr cracking a big joke on shawols.. and i have my reasons to do so. first minho's hair is... idk, not my type[?] is the most polite way to put it haha. and he's topless. well not that it's the first time i saw him topless, but idk, the concept is so different haha. then taem's came out the next day and he was topless too. i saw that pic on the bus and i was gasping for air when i saw it. i guess the person who sat next to me was kinda freaked out haha. i literally wanted to puke cos i was so excited and i could not even squeal inside the bus dammit. i failed miserably at keeping a straight face but at least i didn't make any sound. hahaha. and today when onew's came out i was screaming my face off..partly cos i was excited and mostly cos i was alone in the apartment so no one gives a fuck whether i was screaming or not,well except for my neighbors..maybe.. haha. but they talk loudly in the middle of the night so i guess i was already being quite courteous when i shouted in the afternoon. onew totally looked like a kid.he was not topless in the pic.. okay he maybe topless but he's wrapped in a blanket so it doesn't count.. shawols just went crazy today, mostly cos we all missed onew a lot cos he was missing like what jjong did before.. so when his teaser pic came out looking like he's an angel everyone just went mad hahahha.
and i just love my fandom. shawols are just a bunch of crazy delusional annoying dorks that say crazy funny and stupid stuff all the time but at the end of the day all of us just love the boys so so much.. yes i'm one of them so i'm also crazy delusional and annoying, which i guess most of you already know by now.
so in a nutshell my SHINee boys are making their comeback this month and i'm hella happy~ the end.
another thing that made me really happy is EXO's new MV..i kinda gave up as to when they will be debuting because i guess SM don't really know as well... and now that my babies are having their comeback i just don't care anymore hahaha. but i must say they are of really good quality.. SM is a company which knows how to pick people who are already the "all-in-one package" type. good looks, good vocals, knows how to dance well, maybe know how to act, do martial arts.. talk to animals. lol okay maybe not the last one~ but all of them are good at at least 2-3 things i mentioned above. EXO members are all damn hot and their voices are soooo good i cannot~ haha. my personal fave is a chinese member,yixing.. his stage name is LAY. which reminds me of my fave brand of chips which comes in seaweed flavor but then they don't have seaweed flavor here dammit. i don't know why i like him i'm just attracted to his looks cos obviously i know nothing about his personality..i only know that he's a 91 liner and i have a tendency to be biased at 91 liners.. don't ask me why it's natural attraction. haha~
and guess what readers, i finally found a friend that i can spazz about k-pop with~ i met her in a BUS. i guess i really have to thank God cos i have no other explanation haha. my wish came true. :D i'm so happy that i smiled from cheek to cheek when we found each other on the bus that day~ she's a b2uty and a shawol,blinger to be exact. and her personality just clicked with mine~ i met a fellow fan girl earlier in feb but then she's a v.i.p *bigbang's fan* and we just don't really match.. i don't know but i guess it's true that each fandom has it's own personality. shawols are down right crazy and weird and we spazz at a different level and type from v.i.ps.. i used to be a b2uty too before it got too overwhelming that i can only hold on to one fandom and i chose shawol. or maybe the fandom chose me... *pardon me for being crazy,it's midnight already* so i got along quite well with this new found friend of mine haha~ if everything goes well i might get a few more fangirl friends~ and we can all go watch a concert together yay!
~> and there's something quite interesting going on since i've been here.. so it turns out that a lot of people assume that i'm a korean.. which i'm still deciding whether it is a good thing or not, but then i'm gonna just ask people to guess where i'm from every time i introduce myself haha~ so basically up till now,most people think i'm korean, only 1-2 think i'm japanese and 1-2 that thinks i'm a chinese.. indo got 0 votes cos basically i don't look like an indonesian to them..which is true cos i'm chinese. haha. but it's still kinda fun~~~ i'm gonna see which country does most people assume i'm from by the end of this term..i should go make more friends~~~ :D
i guess that's it for tonight i'm too sleepy to continue~ if i go on and write something else it'll just become a post that makes no sense at all~
and yeah it's my birthday in a few days.. maybe i should get myself new clothes or shoes or smtg new.. i always bought something for myself each year.. and this year is gonna be my last teenage year oh noooooooo~ i can't believe i'm going to be 19 already omg. not so excited to grow older cos it means people will start to expect that i act more mature.... /sigh...
annyeong~♥
Friday, February 10, 2012
hello readers :)
i'm back with another post today. hehe
i'm gonna spend 2 nights alone in the apartment cos both my roommates, jen and lisa, went back to their homes.yes they live in other cities here in california.. how i envy them,i want to be able to go home every 2 weeks or so~ ><
i'm feeling a little bit ill now,i think i'm having a mild fever >< i had a headache earlier today when i was preparing lunch..ended up having lunch at 3 cos i got home kinda late >< was hoping to be able to take a nap but no,i just can't sleep no matter how long i laid on the couch~ >< quite annoyed but whatever, at least the headache is gone now~
and cos i'm feeling a little bored, so i'm just gonna post something i found on fb a few days ago *i think* well actually,it's not like i have nothing to do, cos i have 2 social science papers that i have to write, but i'm in no mood to write response papers! gahhh it's friday night i want to have fun haha~ *and my idea of fun is writing a blog post?!* haha.
so i got this horoscope thingy from fb.. as i have maybe mentioned before i love horoscopes.but not those that tells you what your lucky number,or how's your luck in love today is blahblahblah.. who believes in that shit anyways hahahha. the ones i love are the ones which talk about traits. or put simply it kinda describes your personality. and please remember i'm doing this for fun, it's not that i believe in it 100%.. i'm not that foolish okay~
so i got this 'article' from this page http://www.facebook.com/pages/愛情不是遊戲/111048682315693 in the album with the title "十二星座解析A___A"
full credits to the owner of that page.
so yeah the whole thing is in mandarin hahaha~ okay cos i'm a nice person i will translate it for myself.cos this is obviously my horoscope*pisces* if any of you guys want me to translate another horoscope sign,tell me and i'll try to translate it if i have time keke~
雙魚是孤獨的，從來不喜歡和別人搶東西
Pisces are solitary, never fight with others to get what they want
希望在身邊的人都是心甘情願的留下來。
they will hope that the people around them are willing to stay on their own accord
人來人往中，要雙魚對一個人上心不容易
it's hard for a Pisces to set their heart on someone *i'm guessing this means it's hard for them to fall in love?*
初接觸雙魚的人都被他那種不冷不熱的態度嚇走了。
for people who interacts with a Pisces for the first time, a Pisces' withdrawn personality might scare them away.
但真正走進雙魚心裡的人，就會發現雙魚對人好
but for those people who really gets to know a Pisces, will find that a Pisces treats people nicely
對於魚兒來說，世界上最重要的東西是感情
To a Pisces, feelings*or relationships between people* is the most important thing in the world
一條精神上滿足的魚，可以沒有其他東西，就已經是最幸福
a Pisces which is mentally/psychologically content can be without anything else and still be the most blessed/happy person.
任何感情對於雙魚來說都是重要的
To a Pisces, any kind relationships/feelings are important
愛情很重要，但不見得會比親情更重要
to them, love is important, but it may not be more important than kinship
在雙魚的眼中，感情是單純的，是單獨的。
in the eyes of a Pisces, relationships are simple/pure and exclusive
魚可以原諒對方的一切，只要那個人是真心對他好的。
they can forgive their partner's every faults, as long as he/she treats them sincerely
對魚魚來說，每個人都是特別的
to a Pisces, everyone is unique
雙魚座容易相信別人，容易被騙。
Pisces believes in other very easily, thus they are easy to be fooled
很在乎朋友親人又常常懶得聯繫，很宅懶得走動。
they care a lot about their closed ones but rarely keep in contact with them, they are lazy to move
要不很沉默內斂，要嘛high起來讓人覺得很搞笑。
they can either be very introverted or be very 'high' to the point that people find it really amusing/funny
喜歡很開心地笑，其實很多時候不知道為什麼而開心。
they like to laugh heartily, but actually most of the time they don't really know what made them so happy
要嘛很潔癖，要嘛就是環境毀滅者。
they can either be a cleanliness freak or be the ones who 'destroys' their environment
要嘛超勤快要嘛又小懶蟲一個。
they can be very diligent or be a lazy ass
吃軟不吃硬，喜歡裝堅強。
they like soft approaches and hate to be forced, they also like to put up a strong front
雙魚座的他們是一個很難理解的星座，因為她的性格太多元
Pisces is a sign which is hard to understand because their personality is too diverse
他可以幽默，可以冷漠，可以柔弱，可以堅強
they can be humorous yet cold and detached, can be delicate yet strong
可以成熟，可以天真，可以精明，可以傻氣
they can be mature yet naive, can be shrewd yet foolish
說話往往口是心非，你們永遠猜不透他們在想什麼。
they tend to not speak up their mind, you can never guess what their thoughts
不要說他們是在裝，其實這才是真正的雙魚
don't assume that they like to pretend to be something they are not, actually that is the true Pisces
一個千變萬化的魚
a fish that is ever-changing
okay~so this is my fruit of labor lol. okay nope it's just my crappy translation hahaha. i don't know whether all of those is part of my personality, cos obviously i'm not the one to judge haha. but i can say there are a few that i agree on.. it's the part that says a pisces is withdrawn. i can't say that i realise it myself but that's what my cousin always say about me ever since i came here.
so there are times when i'd go to her place for dinner or small gathering and there will be a lot of people there and all of them would be talking about something.. then i would be there sitting and just listening to them talk.. it's not like i don't want to talk to any one of them it's just that i don't know when i should join in the conversation and if i joined in, what should i say. there are times when i feel that i'm unwanted in a conversation and i guess that fear of rejection acts up all the time. and i truly don't like it when people make a joke out of me or point out something that everyone notices but chose to keep quiet about it to avoid embarrassing me. i hate being embarrassed, cos it's gonna make me more socially awkward than i already am. maybe those type of people might assume that it's funny, but i don't really think it's funny. it makes me want to tear your mouth off. but because i don't want to make a further fool of myself i usually just smile it off.
hahaha and before we know it this post is turning into a rant post. everytime i start writing things in my blog it almost always turns into something like this hahahah~ i think i have some serious issues about insecurities and stuff..might want to get counseling haha~
okay then
annyeong~♡
i'm back with another post today. hehe
i'm gonna spend 2 nights alone in the apartment cos both my roommates, jen and lisa, went back to their homes.yes they live in other cities here in california.. how i envy them,i want to be able to go home every 2 weeks or so~ ><
i'm feeling a little bit ill now,i think i'm having a mild fever >< i had a headache earlier today when i was preparing lunch..ended up having lunch at 3 cos i got home kinda late >< was hoping to be able to take a nap but no,i just can't sleep no matter how long i laid on the couch~ >< quite annoyed but whatever, at least the headache is gone now~
and cos i'm feeling a little bored, so i'm just gonna post something i found on fb a few days ago *i think* well actually,it's not like i have nothing to do, cos i have 2 social science papers that i have to write, but i'm in no mood to write response papers! gahhh it's friday night i want to have fun haha~ *and my idea of fun is writing a blog post?!* haha.
so i got this horoscope thingy from fb.. as i have maybe mentioned before i love horoscopes.but not those that tells you what your lucky number,or how's your luck in love today is blahblahblah.. who believes in that shit anyways hahahha. the ones i love are the ones which talk about traits. or put simply it kinda describes your personality. and please remember i'm doing this for fun, it's not that i believe in it 100%.. i'm not that foolish okay~
so i got this 'article' from this page http://www.facebook.com/pages/愛情不是遊戲/111048682315693 in the album with the title "十二星座解析A___A"
full credits to the owner of that page.
"雙魚是孤獨的，從來不喜歡和別人搶東西
希望在身邊的人都是心甘情願的留下來。
人來人往中，要雙魚對一個人上心不容易
初接觸雙魚的人都被他那種不冷不熱的態度嚇走了。
但真正走進雙魚心裡的人，就會發現雙魚對人好
對於魚兒來說，世界上最重要的東西是感情
一條精神上滿足的魚，可以沒有其他東西，就已經是最幸福的人。
任何感情對於雙魚來說都是重要的
愛情很重要，但不見得會比親情更重要
在雙魚的眼中，感情是單純的，是單獨的。
魚可以原諒對方的一切，只要那個人是真心對他好的。
對魚魚來說，每個人都是特別的
雙魚座容易相信別人，容易被騙。
很在乎朋友親人又常常懶得聯繫，很宅懶得走動。
要不很沉默內斂，要嘛high起來讓人覺得很搞笑。
喜歡很開心地笑，其實很多時候不知道為什麼而開心。
要嘛很潔癖，要嘛就是環境毀滅者。
要嘛超勤快要嘛又小懶蟲一個。
吃軟不吃硬，喜歡裝堅強。
雙魚座的他們是一個很難理解的星座，因為她的性格太多元化。
他可以幽默，可以冷漠，可以柔弱，可以堅強
可以成熟，可以天真，可以精明，可以傻氣
說話往往口是心非，你們永遠猜不透他們在想什麼。
不要說他們是在裝，其實這才是真正的雙魚
一個千變萬化的魚"
so yeah the whole thing is in mandarin hahaha~ okay cos i'm a nice person i will translate it for myself.cos this is obviously my horoscope*pisces* if any of you guys want me to translate another horoscope sign,tell me and i'll try to translate it if i have time keke~
雙魚是孤獨的，從來不喜歡和別人搶東西
Pisces are solitary, never fight with others to get what they want
希望在身邊的人都是心甘情願的留下來。
they will hope that the people around them are willing to stay on their own accord
人來人往中，要雙魚對一個人上心不容易
it's hard for a Pisces to set their heart on someone *i'm guessing this means it's hard for them to fall in love?*
初接觸雙魚的人都被他那種不冷不熱的態度嚇走了。
for people who interacts with a Pisces for the first time, a Pisces' withdrawn personality might scare them away.
但真正走進雙魚心裡的人，就會發現雙魚對人好
but for those people who really gets to know a Pisces, will find that a Pisces treats people nicely
對於魚兒來說，世界上最重要的東西是感情
To a Pisces, feelings*or relationships between people* is the most important thing in the world
一條精神上滿足的魚，可以沒有其他東西，就已經是最幸福
a Pisces which is mentally/psychologically content can be without anything else and still be the most blessed/happy person.
任何感情對於雙魚來說都是重要的
To a Pisces, any kind relationships/feelings are important
愛情很重要，但不見得會比親情更重要
to them, love is important, but it may not be more important than kinship
在雙魚的眼中，感情是單純的，是單獨的。
in the eyes of a Pisces, relationships are simple/pure and exclusive
魚可以原諒對方的一切，只要那個人是真心對他好的。
they can forgive their partner's every faults, as long as he/she treats them sincerely
對魚魚來說，每個人都是特別的
to a Pisces, everyone is unique
雙魚座容易相信別人，容易被騙。
Pisces believes in other very easily, thus they are easy to be fooled
很在乎朋友親人又常常懶得聯繫，很宅懶得走動。
they care a lot about their closed ones but rarely keep in contact with them, they are lazy to move
要不很沉默內斂，要嘛high起來讓人覺得很搞笑。
they can either be very introverted or be very 'high' to the point that people find it really amusing/funny
喜歡很開心地笑，其實很多時候不知道為什麼而開心。
they like to laugh heartily, but actually most of the time they don't really know what made them so happy
要嘛很潔癖，要嘛就是環境毀滅者。
they can either be a cleanliness freak or be the ones who 'destroys' their environment
要嘛超勤快要嘛又小懶蟲一個。
they can be very diligent or be a lazy ass
吃軟不吃硬，喜歡裝堅強。
they like soft approaches and hate to be forced, they also like to put up a strong front
雙魚座的他們是一個很難理解的星座，因為她的性格太多元
Pisces is a sign which is hard to understand because their personality is too diverse
他可以幽默，可以冷漠，可以柔弱，可以堅強
they can be humorous yet cold and detached, can be delicate yet strong
可以成熟，可以天真，可以精明，可以傻氣
they can be mature yet naive, can be shrewd yet foolish
說話往往口是心非，你們永遠猜不透他們在想什麼。
they tend to not speak up their mind, you can never guess what their thoughts
不要說他們是在裝，其實這才是真正的雙魚
don't assume that they like to pretend to be something they are not, actually that is the true Pisces
一個千變萬化的魚
a fish that is ever-changing
okay~so this is my fruit of labor lol. okay nope it's just my crappy translation hahaha. i don't know whether all of those is part of my personality, cos obviously i'm not the one to judge haha. but i can say there are a few that i agree on.. it's the part that says a pisces is withdrawn. i can't say that i realise it myself but that's what my cousin always say about me ever since i came here.
so there are times when i'd go to her place for dinner or small gathering and there will be a lot of people there and all of them would be talking about something.. then i would be there sitting and just listening to them talk.. it's not like i don't want to talk to any one of them it's just that i don't know when i should join in the conversation and if i joined in, what should i say. there are times when i feel that i'm unwanted in a conversation and i guess that fear of rejection acts up all the time. and i truly don't like it when people make a joke out of me or point out something that everyone notices but chose to keep quiet about it to avoid embarrassing me. i hate being embarrassed, cos it's gonna make me more socially awkward than i already am. maybe those type of people might assume that it's funny, but i don't really think it's funny. it makes me want to tear your mouth off. but because i don't want to make a further fool of myself i usually just smile it off.
hahaha and before we know it this post is turning into a rant post. everytime i start writing things in my blog it almost always turns into something like this hahahah~ i think i have some serious issues about insecurities and stuff..might want to get counseling haha~
okay then
annyeong~♡
Monday, February 6, 2012
someone please help me :(
someone please help me...
i don't know what to do. i guess there's something wrong with me, but i'm not really sure what's wrong.. nothing's wrong with me physically but i think i have some issues with my head.
so now my roommate, jen, is out to a project-meeting with her classmates and then she'll go play badminton till it's around 11pm. and what i discover is that every time my roommate goes out and leave me alone in the apartment, i'll get a really strange feeling. it's like i'm so afraid of something,but i just can't figure out what i'm afraid of. it feels so empty and hollow like someone took something from me but i don't know what. at first i thought it was because i was worried about my assignments but recently i discover that the weird feelings shows up only when jen goes out and leave me alone in the apartment. i'll just get ultra worried and end up crying. not just crying but sobbing. i'm really tired of this. i want it to stop.
i really feel so lonely here. even though i try to show up at a lot of gatherings, those at college, even to my cousin's church! i'm not a christian but i ended up going to my cousin's church so that i can make more friends. i just can't stand being alone. i realize that my biggest fear is being alone. i'm no longer afraid to go out and make friends anymore cos i know, more than the fear of being embarrassed in public, i'm more afraid of being alone. the thought itself is enough to drive me crazy.
i know that i'm not alone here, i have a few new friends, my roommates, and my cousin. but i still feel lonely. very very very lonely. it's like i have no one to depend on. i'm not saying that my cousin or roommates treat me badly. they treat me really nicely and there's no way i can repay their kindness to me. i find it hard for me to trust them 100% like i trust my bebes back at home. really, it's unbelievable that i can't even trust my own cousin, who has lived for 3 years in my own home, who i'm supposed to be able to treat as my own sister, that i'm supposed to be able to trust. i don't know if this is how it's supposed to be or if i have some major issues with myself.
or maybe i don't have any issues with myself? cos i haven't been close to my cousin for years. maybe a part of me is telling me that i can trust her cos i know her but then another part of me is screaming,telling me i can't trust her cos she might not be the cousin i knew from the past, maybe she has changed, be wary of her. it's crazy. my head is crazy. i am going to have a mental breakdown sooner or later if this goes on for the rest of my time here...
there are a lot of things that makes me feel lonely too.
even though i have met a few friends at college and some of them are really nice, but i just can't seem to trust them. i wonder if it shows on my face, cos if it does it will insult them and i don't want to do that to them. they are really nice. ><
i think i need a fellow fangirl friend... it's funny how fandoms will pull people closer together. liking the same things means we'll have more things in common. i really truly miss the time i spent spazzing over kpop with my bebes..
another thing that i miss a lot is skinship. i cannot deny how much i love skinship and how much skinship i did in the past at high school. well, i did most of my skinships with girls tho, so don't worry ;p now i miss skinship to the max! you won't know how much i feel like grabbing my classmates hands in the middle of the lecture, no matter who was sitting beside me that day. it's so hard to keep that urge down i'm so afraid that someday i'm going to pounce on a random person i meet at college and hug them till they suffocate or something. i just yearn to hold someone's hand, to hug somebody. every time i go out with my cousin i will eventually link arms with her, it just comes naturally. in the other hand i hope i won't 'naturally' just grab someone's hand in the middle of the road cos i might end up being yelled at or worse get punched.
and i miss my parents a lot. i constantly wonder how they're getting along at home without me. even though it's not like they can't live without me but to not be able to see me and ask me to help them out with things like picking my siblings up from school, do some chores or just help them pick what to wear to a gathering. it always hurts me when i remember what my mom and dad says before i came here. my mom said that from now on there's no one to help her style her hair. and my dad said that i'm a bad kid for leaving him and going that far away from him. sometimes i feel that i'm so selfish cos i can't imagine what my parents feel when we waved goodbye at the airport.
i'm constantly worried about my parents, i'm worried that they might get lonely without me, that's why on CNY i bugged a lot of my bebes to go to my house to paicia. haha. i mean after all this is the first time my parents spent CNY without me. i would be grateful if any one of my bebes would just go to play at my house sometimes, just talk to my mom, so that she won't feel too lonely.
recently i watched a k-drama, SHUT UP FLOWER BOY BAND, which has got me devastated when one of the characters died. it was a drama about a group of juveniles who formed a band. i fell for the 2 main male lead in the drama, jihyuk and byunghee. i personally adore byunghee to bits because of his personality and how he seemed to 'look sad even when he's smiling'. there was a particular line jihyuk said that i loved, it was "everything is gonna be okay as long as we have byunghee." i thought it was really beautiful, cos byunghee and jihyuk depended each other a lot in that drama. what i didn't know is that it turns out the actor who played as byunghee was only a cameo and that byunghee would die in episode 2. i was torn apart when he died, it's both what jihyuk has said previously and the way he died that hurt me the most.
byunghee was hit on the head with a bat and called jihyuk for help. jihyuk, who was waiting for him at their place, left his phone inside the house when he was talking to a neighbor in his front door. by the time jihyuk saw his phone, he gathered up the other band members and they went to look for him. when they finally spotted byunghee, byunghee, who was bleeding so bad, saw jihyuk and said ,"jihyuk,you came." and started to walk across the street. i honestly got relieved for a second but then a truck came and just drove right towards byunghee and killed him. to me, it was so hurtful, it's like you getting thrown down after having a glimmer of hope. when you thought everything was going to be okay, the worst happened. and then i started to think, what will jihyuk do now that byunghee is gone.... i seriously got really sad for 2-3 days and stopped watching the drama altogether.
some of you may think that i'm a crazy girl who got immersed too deep into a drama but the thing that made me sad wasn't only the fact that byunghee died, but what am i supposed to do if that happens to me one day.. when i finally found someone who i thought i could count on for the rest of my life, but then suddenly they're gone. will i be able to accept the fact if that happens? or will i just get a mental breakdown and go crazy? byunghee has left me with a lot to ponder...
and as a side note, i would like to talk about suicidal thoughts... i used to have a thought that when people said they are going to kill themselves, they are just trying to look for attention. but as i slowly thought about this matter seriously, sometimes those suicide threats aren't just words. people have to be able to differentiate people who are just seeking for attention to those who really needs our help. the truth is i used to have suicidal thoughts once in a while in the past. it's not a serious case, but now i realize how easy it was for those thoughts to surface is my head in the past. i would think, would it be better if i was dead? will everyone be happier? it was nothing serious but i really gave a thought of whether i could die if i jumped from the second floor of my house. it's crazy, i know, but i'm not making things up here.. but i have to thank God that i'm afraid of pain..i don't want to die in pain. and i sure don't want to see my parents being sad. one thing i must say is, the further away a person is from God, the easier those thoughts creep into their mind. i'm not a fully religious person but i love God and i know and proved that by being closer to God i have found more strength in myself because i know in the end that i will never be truly alone. i understand that sometimes i will forgot God's presence, because as a human being, it's hard to remember what you can't see......
well that's all, cos i just had a sudden thought about people who are suicidal and how much it actually hurts them cos most of them can't really speak up their mind..they just keep bottling things up, bottling those thoughts up until they can't hold on anymore and just decided to end their life.. so please, readers, care more about those around you.. cos once they are gone there's no way to bring them back.
that's all for tonight..i stopped crying cos i'm listening to my life battery charger's songs~ :) and for those who don't know who my life battery charger is, it's my babies, my SHINee XD
ah and one more thing, a shout out for one of my bebes, jessy~! hey you know what, your lovey dovey-ness with your guy is making me jelly here XD i guess i'm still not used to sharing you with other people.. you are MINEEEE~ hahahha.
by the way, someone, i mean my future partner, please hold my hand like this
the way my otp, jjongkey, hold hands.. they are both guys, so if we can't do it better than them imma kick you in the face okay. ;p and so what if i love seeing guys hold hands, problem? i have moooorree~~
obvious ones
subtle ones
super sweet ones that makes me want to try do it too~
okay i can see that some of you are making faces like
and
already..
my bias~~♡ they are my super power charger~ ♡♡♡
nothing you say will make me change my mind about them
so,annyeong~~~ ♡
i don't know what to do. i guess there's something wrong with me, but i'm not really sure what's wrong.. nothing's wrong with me physically but i think i have some issues with my head.
so now my roommate, jen, is out to a project-meeting with her classmates and then she'll go play badminton till it's around 11pm. and what i discover is that every time my roommate goes out and leave me alone in the apartment, i'll get a really strange feeling. it's like i'm so afraid of something,but i just can't figure out what i'm afraid of. it feels so empty and hollow like someone took something from me but i don't know what. at first i thought it was because i was worried about my assignments but recently i discover that the weird feelings shows up only when jen goes out and leave me alone in the apartment. i'll just get ultra worried and end up crying. not just crying but sobbing. i'm really tired of this. i want it to stop.
i really feel so lonely here. even though i try to show up at a lot of gatherings, those at college, even to my cousin's church! i'm not a christian but i ended up going to my cousin's church so that i can make more friends. i just can't stand being alone. i realize that my biggest fear is being alone. i'm no longer afraid to go out and make friends anymore cos i know, more than the fear of being embarrassed in public, i'm more afraid of being alone. the thought itself is enough to drive me crazy.
i know that i'm not alone here, i have a few new friends, my roommates, and my cousin. but i still feel lonely. very very very lonely. it's like i have no one to depend on. i'm not saying that my cousin or roommates treat me badly. they treat me really nicely and there's no way i can repay their kindness to me. i find it hard for me to trust them 100% like i trust my bebes back at home. really, it's unbelievable that i can't even trust my own cousin, who has lived for 3 years in my own home, who i'm supposed to be able to treat as my own sister, that i'm supposed to be able to trust. i don't know if this is how it's supposed to be or if i have some major issues with myself.
or maybe i don't have any issues with myself? cos i haven't been close to my cousin for years. maybe a part of me is telling me that i can trust her cos i know her but then another part of me is screaming,telling me i can't trust her cos she might not be the cousin i knew from the past, maybe she has changed, be wary of her. it's crazy. my head is crazy. i am going to have a mental breakdown sooner or later if this goes on for the rest of my time here...
there are a lot of things that makes me feel lonely too.
even though i have met a few friends at college and some of them are really nice, but i just can't seem to trust them. i wonder if it shows on my face, cos if it does it will insult them and i don't want to do that to them. they are really nice. ><
i think i need a fellow fangirl friend... it's funny how fandoms will pull people closer together. liking the same things means we'll have more things in common. i really truly miss the time i spent spazzing over kpop with my bebes..
another thing that i miss a lot is skinship. i cannot deny how much i love skinship and how much skinship i did in the past at high school. well, i did most of my skinships with girls tho, so don't worry ;p now i miss skinship to the max! you won't know how much i feel like grabbing my classmates hands in the middle of the lecture, no matter who was sitting beside me that day. it's so hard to keep that urge down i'm so afraid that someday i'm going to pounce on a random person i meet at college and hug them till they suffocate or something. i just yearn to hold someone's hand, to hug somebody. every time i go out with my cousin i will eventually link arms with her, it just comes naturally. in the other hand i hope i won't 'naturally' just grab someone's hand in the middle of the road cos i might end up being yelled at or worse get punched.
and i miss my parents a lot. i constantly wonder how they're getting along at home without me. even though it's not like they can't live without me but to not be able to see me and ask me to help them out with things like picking my siblings up from school, do some chores or just help them pick what to wear to a gathering. it always hurts me when i remember what my mom and dad says before i came here. my mom said that from now on there's no one to help her style her hair. and my dad said that i'm a bad kid for leaving him and going that far away from him. sometimes i feel that i'm so selfish cos i can't imagine what my parents feel when we waved goodbye at the airport.
i'm constantly worried about my parents, i'm worried that they might get lonely without me, that's why on CNY i bugged a lot of my bebes to go to my house to paicia. haha. i mean after all this is the first time my parents spent CNY without me. i would be grateful if any one of my bebes would just go to play at my house sometimes, just talk to my mom, so that she won't feel too lonely.
recently i watched a k-drama, SHUT UP FLOWER BOY BAND, which has got me devastated when one of the characters died. it was a drama about a group of juveniles who formed a band. i fell for the 2 main male lead in the drama, jihyuk and byunghee. i personally adore byunghee to bits because of his personality and how he seemed to 'look sad even when he's smiling'. there was a particular line jihyuk said that i loved, it was "everything is gonna be okay as long as we have byunghee." i thought it was really beautiful, cos byunghee and jihyuk depended each other a lot in that drama. what i didn't know is that it turns out the actor who played as byunghee was only a cameo and that byunghee would die in episode 2. i was torn apart when he died, it's both what jihyuk has said previously and the way he died that hurt me the most.
byunghee was hit on the head with a bat and called jihyuk for help. jihyuk, who was waiting for him at their place, left his phone inside the house when he was talking to a neighbor in his front door. by the time jihyuk saw his phone, he gathered up the other band members and they went to look for him. when they finally spotted byunghee, byunghee, who was bleeding so bad, saw jihyuk and said ,"jihyuk,you came." and started to walk across the street. i honestly got relieved for a second but then a truck came and just drove right towards byunghee and killed him. to me, it was so hurtful, it's like you getting thrown down after having a glimmer of hope. when you thought everything was going to be okay, the worst happened. and then i started to think, what will jihyuk do now that byunghee is gone.... i seriously got really sad for 2-3 days and stopped watching the drama altogether.
some of you may think that i'm a crazy girl who got immersed too deep into a drama but the thing that made me sad wasn't only the fact that byunghee died, but what am i supposed to do if that happens to me one day.. when i finally found someone who i thought i could count on for the rest of my life, but then suddenly they're gone. will i be able to accept the fact if that happens? or will i just get a mental breakdown and go crazy? byunghee has left me with a lot to ponder...
and as a side note, i would like to talk about suicidal thoughts... i used to have a thought that when people said they are going to kill themselves, they are just trying to look for attention. but as i slowly thought about this matter seriously, sometimes those suicide threats aren't just words. people have to be able to differentiate people who are just seeking for attention to those who really needs our help. the truth is i used to have suicidal thoughts once in a while in the past. it's not a serious case, but now i realize how easy it was for those thoughts to surface is my head in the past. i would think, would it be better if i was dead? will everyone be happier? it was nothing serious but i really gave a thought of whether i could die if i jumped from the second floor of my house. it's crazy, i know, but i'm not making things up here.. but i have to thank God that i'm afraid of pain..i don't want to die in pain. and i sure don't want to see my parents being sad. one thing i must say is, the further away a person is from God, the easier those thoughts creep into their mind. i'm not a fully religious person but i love God and i know and proved that by being closer to God i have found more strength in myself because i know in the end that i will never be truly alone. i understand that sometimes i will forgot God's presence, because as a human being, it's hard to remember what you can't see......
well that's all, cos i just had a sudden thought about people who are suicidal and how much it actually hurts them cos most of them can't really speak up their mind..they just keep bottling things up, bottling those thoughts up until they can't hold on anymore and just decided to end their life.. so please, readers, care more about those around you.. cos once they are gone there's no way to bring them back.
that's all for tonight..i stopped crying cos i'm listening to my life battery charger's songs~ :) and for those who don't know who my life battery charger is, it's my babies, my SHINee XD
ah and one more thing, a shout out for one of my bebes, jessy~! hey you know what, your lovey dovey-ness with your guy is making me jelly here XD i guess i'm still not used to sharing you with other people.. you are MINEEEE~ hahahha.
by the way, someone, i mean my future partner, please hold my hand like this
obvious ones
super sweet ones that makes me want to try do it too~
okay i can see that some of you are making faces like
my bias~~♡ they are my super power charger~ ♡♡♡
nothing you say will make me change my mind about them
so,annyeong~~~ ♡
Saturday, January 28, 2012
how are you? :)
hi readers~ :)
i guess a few of you are starting to wonder how i'm doing right now, whether my problems in my previous post has been solved and so on.. so here i am keeping you guys updated :)
i have finally got into all the classes i need! yay *opens bottle ofchampagne green tea*
the big stones which was on my way has finally been moved, so are the boulders on my shoulders. now i just have to be really careful so that i won't trip on small stones :)
in the end, i told my parents all about my problems and the magical thing is that, starting from the day i told my parents, everything started to get better. although i got dropped off the waiting list for 2 classes,i got a class at the davis center instead. so no more arriving late at night from the main campus :D
my parents are the cutest, sometimes i feel that their roles got swapped by accident haha. my dad would be the naggy one and my mom would be the more indifferent one.
so i couldn't bear telling my problems to my dad at first, cos i know he would be ultra worried if he saw me cry, so i video called my mom and hope she will pass the message to my dad. my mom's reaction when she heard my stories is so relaxed, she said that if there's really no way that you can get the classes, just come back home and find another school. she also kept on joking with me.i felt really really relieved that day.
the next day my dad called me early in the morn *it was 8 am in indo* to ask about my condition, so i guess my mom did pass the message to him. he was a bit more anxious than my mom and i totally thought that it was the cutest >< *i'm such a bad daughter lol*
this condition applies in almost any cases when me and my siblings are concerned. it's always my dad who tells me i have to lose weight, that i have to watch what i eat while my mom kinda let me eat whatever. sometimes me and dad are the ones who nags at mom when she's not watching what she eat. my mom's a choding ;p but she always says the most comforting words i'll ever hear :)
by the way i'm totally envious of you guys who got to spend the lunar new year at home. this is by far the saddest lunar new year i've ever spent in my almost 19 years of life! there was no LNY feel at all and i have to give so much yummy food a miss~! if i was still at home now i would probably gain a few kgs lol. and i would be able to bake tons of myfamous cookies haha.
i've been telling a few of my bebes to go to my home to 拜年.. i wonder if they have been to my house...hmm~ even tho i'm not at home but my mom is at home.you guys can always visit her okay? haha
ah i went shopping for groceries earlier today with my roommate~ we went to costco. i totally felt that everything here in the states come in super sizes, which is totally scary. i mean chips at the size of dog food bags? *__* even the shopping carts/trollies are bigger than the ones i usually see. i can actually fit inside the trolly...
i ended up buying a pack of grapes and a bag of fruits and nuts which costs me $17 in total..so expensive >< am going to finish the fruits and nuts real slow, which is almost impossible cos i love to eat nuts. i inherited my love for nuts and oranges from my mom okay? ;p
since i'm talking about so many things might as well talk about everything in my mind now haha. so i haven't really got any close friends yet, nothing strange about that, cos i don't feel confident enough to speak to caucasians, cos i'm worried they might not get what i'm saying lmao. okay that was just an excuse, i just don't talk much in classes and classes are the only places to find friends. you can't possibly walk to a random person in the hallway and try to start a conversation... well, not that it's impossible but i'm not the type of person who does that haha. *another excuse* but i do join the international student club tho..i'm more comfortable mixing with international students cos i kinda feel that we're on the same boat[?] lol.
ever since i came here i've been mistaken as a korean and japanese. well i'm not really offended by those people mistaking me as coming from those countries but i was offended by the guy who assumed that i'm a japanese and tried to start a conversation with me by saying konnichiwa.
if he only asked which country i was from instead of being such an ignorant person and start blabbering konnichiwa to me,i'd probably be nicer to him. and the worse part is that he's an asian as well. wow. amazingly enough this asian guy doesn't realise that asian countries aren't only china,japan or vietnam. luckily for that guy i was in a good mood that day and just shook my head when he said konnichiwa to me. but then he said ni hao ma? to me in an attempt to keep the conversation going. oh for good sakes what the hell is this guy doing??
that guy is so hilariously ignorant that i can't even be bothered with him anymore. so i took my headset out and listened to my iphone to make him shut up.
my message to that guy would be : bro if you thought that was a good way to start a conversation, you're wrong~! well unless you guessed correctly which country that person is from. but still, by doing that you look like a creep. i'm not even joking or being sarcastic. it's really creepy...
well i guess that's all haha. a little bit less than i expected but, it's enough haha.
and look! January is almost over~! so quick! i'll be going back to indo in no time! yey
i miss everyone back at home and also all my friends~ gyaaaa~~ can't wait for the time to go back home to come~ keke.
oh by the way, those people whose name did not show up in my previous post when i was making the dedications, please don't feel that i didn't appreciate your help, it's just that i can't possibly list out your names one by one. i love you guys and girls okay? :)
annyeong~ ♡
i guess a few of you are starting to wonder how i'm doing right now, whether my problems in my previous post has been solved and so on.. so here i am keeping you guys updated :)
i have finally got into all the classes i need! yay *opens bottle of
the big stones which was on my way has finally been moved, so are the boulders on my shoulders. now i just have to be really careful so that i won't trip on small stones :)
in the end, i told my parents all about my problems and the magical thing is that, starting from the day i told my parents, everything started to get better. although i got dropped off the waiting list for 2 classes,i got a class at the davis center instead. so no more arriving late at night from the main campus :D
my parents are the cutest, sometimes i feel that their roles got swapped by accident haha. my dad would be the naggy one and my mom would be the more indifferent one.
so i couldn't bear telling my problems to my dad at first, cos i know he would be ultra worried if he saw me cry, so i video called my mom and hope she will pass the message to my dad. my mom's reaction when she heard my stories is so relaxed, she said that if there's really no way that you can get the classes, just come back home and find another school. she also kept on joking with me.i felt really really relieved that day.
the next day my dad called me early in the morn *it was 8 am in indo* to ask about my condition, so i guess my mom did pass the message to him. he was a bit more anxious than my mom and i totally thought that it was the cutest >< *i'm such a bad daughter lol*
this condition applies in almost any cases when me and my siblings are concerned. it's always my dad who tells me i have to lose weight, that i have to watch what i eat while my mom kinda let me eat whatever. sometimes me and dad are the ones who nags at mom when she's not watching what she eat. my mom's a choding ;p but she always says the most comforting words i'll ever hear :)
by the way i'm totally envious of you guys who got to spend the lunar new year at home. this is by far the saddest lunar new year i've ever spent in my almost 19 years of life! there was no LNY feel at all and i have to give so much yummy food a miss~! if i was still at home now i would probably gain a few kgs lol. and i would be able to bake tons of my
i've been telling a few of my bebes to go to my home to 拜年.. i wonder if they have been to my house...hmm~ even tho i'm not at home but my mom is at home.you guys can always visit her okay? haha
ah i went shopping for groceries earlier today with my roommate~ we went to costco. i totally felt that everything here in the states come in super sizes, which is totally scary. i mean chips at the size of dog food bags? *__* even the shopping carts/trollies are bigger than the ones i usually see. i can actually fit inside the trolly...
i ended up buying a pack of grapes and a bag of fruits and nuts which costs me $17 in total..so expensive >< am going to finish the fruits and nuts real slow, which is almost impossible cos i love to eat nuts. i inherited my love for nuts and oranges from my mom okay? ;p
since i'm talking about so many things might as well talk about everything in my mind now haha. so i haven't really got any close friends yet, nothing strange about that, cos i don't feel confident enough to speak to caucasians, cos i'm worried they might not get what i'm saying lmao. okay that was just an excuse, i just don't talk much in classes and classes are the only places to find friends. you can't possibly walk to a random person in the hallway and try to start a conversation... well, not that it's impossible but i'm not the type of person who does that haha. *another excuse* but i do join the international student club tho..i'm more comfortable mixing with international students cos i kinda feel that we're on the same boat[?] lol.
ever since i came here i've been mistaken as a korean and japanese. well i'm not really offended by those people mistaking me as coming from those countries but i was offended by the guy who assumed that i'm a japanese and tried to start a conversation with me by saying konnichiwa.
my message to that guy would be : bro if you thought that was a good way to start a conversation, you're wrong~! well unless you guessed correctly which country that person is from. but still, by doing that you look like a creep. i'm not even joking or being sarcastic. it's really creepy...
well i guess that's all haha. a little bit less than i expected but, it's enough haha.
and look! January is almost over~! so quick! i'll be going back to indo in no time! yey
i miss everyone back at home and also all my friends~ gyaaaa~~ can't wait for the time to go back home to come~ keke.
oh by the way, those people whose name did not show up in my previous post when i was making the dedications, please don't feel that i didn't appreciate your help, it's just that i can't possibly list out your names one by one. i love you guys and girls okay? :)
annyeong~ ♡
Friday, January 13, 2012
hi readers :)
i think this is my first post in 2012..is it?
i hope most of you guys had a really great start to this whole new year, cos i had quite a start myself..
yep,as some of you might already know, i started 2012 by being on a flight of 16 hours~ from Indonesia to uncle Sam's country, the States.
and first i would really like to say sorry to my friends who didn't even know that i'm here because i didn't tell you...honestly, it wasn't because i didn't want you guys to know,but i myself is quite shocked that i would be leaving indo that quick.. it wasn't intentional~
so please accept my apologies, you may leave some complaints in the comments section later..i will accept all your complaints without any complaints.........*does that even make sense*
i stay in a small town, Davis..maybe a lot of you guys never heard of it before.and it's winter so it's really cold..but then again, everywhere is cold if compared to indo lol.*inaccurate data*
so right now i'm staying at an apartment with 2 housemates..my cousin used to live here,but she moved out to let me stay here instead because she knows that her housemates are nice people and will take care of me if she's busy..
i'm really really thankful for her help, because i'm sure if she's not here to help me, things would be 1000 times harder..
i'm really happy and thankful that i have 2 really nice housemates..they share food with me all the time~just like my previous roommate in taiwan..am i blessed or what? haha
my college is at another city called Sacramento, which is the capital of california~ i bet you didn't know about that..just like i didn't until my cousin told me lol~
and because i have no car,i have to take the public transportation to get there..the public transportation here in america,if compared to those in asia,really suck.hahahaha. i mean,if i was to miss a bus, i might be 1 hour late for my classes because the bus only comes at every 1 hour.so the total of time i need to get to the college from where i stay is approx. 2 hours,but if you have a car,it will only take around 15-20 minutes.. but then again it's better than nothing~~
if any one of you are curious about how i'm doing here, i can say that it's not as smooth sailing as i thought it would be..
honestly,there's a really huge stone that's been trying to make me trip and fall..
so last week i went to the international student center at the college to do all the paperwork and preparation for the start of the term including registering for classes and taking assessment tests..and i was shocked when the staff told me that most of the classes are full.and the problem is,i have to get at least 12 units that term so that i can maintain my student visa..most classes have 3 units so i need to get at least 4 classes.if i fail to do that,the government would send me home..
when i heard about that,i went to autopilot mode,nodding to everything the staff said while my mind just ran wild..i kept thinking,"what??after all i went through just to get here,i might have to go home???" i just kept thinking about what to do and what to tell my parents.i almost broke into tears there and then.. at that time i had to take my assessment tests as well..i was so taken aback by the information that i have just received that i yelped a little when my cousin had to leave me as i was going to take my assessments.. it has been a long time since i felt a fear of that level that even a small thing like my cousin leaving the room made me feel so alone and anxious..it was as if i was trying to say please don't leave me alone..
the test was an english test and on the essay part i went blank for 10 mins while my mind was trying to think of the topic and at the same time suppress all the other problems i had in my mind..but in the end i finished the test..and i just go the results yesterday.it was quite good honestly..i'm proud of myself haha.
after the test i tried to search for classes to register in with the help of my cousin..it was so discouraging to see how many classes were full and at the end of the day i managed to get into 4 classes' waiting list..so far i've only been successful in getting into 1 class but the counselor i met yesterday told me i had around 75% chance of getting all the class i registered for.i just have to go to the classes even though i'm still at the waiting list,who knows if the professor might just let me enroll into his/her class..
i haven't told my parents about all this..i'm still not sure whether it's the right thing to do,but i really don't want them to worry..i'm kinda waiting for things to get better before telling my parents about it.both my parents are busy and the time difference is really making it hard to contact them..i've only skype-d once with my mom and both of us cried once we saw each other's face.she video called me at around 1 or 2 days after i got the bad news from the college so it was really hard for me..i had so much to tell her but i just couldn't tell her..and because i'm so far from my parents the problems felt twice harder cos i can't complain about it to them anytime i want.
i cried myself to sleep every night since i found out about the college problems..i just cried and cried..i would try to fill my brain with so many other things,i watched a lot of korean variety shows,but still,once i had nothing to do my brain just automatically think about the classes. it's so hard and tiring..but i was the one who chose to come here so i have to solve my own problems..
now,at this moment i still worry about this problem a lot,but not as much as i first did.i guess my brain finally dealt with the blow and starts to let me act rationally..
also in this post i would like to make dedications to people who have helped me went through the hardest week of my first month in 2012 by being there for me..
to shery,who spared a lot of time listening*or reading* to my complaints,stories,nonsense and reassured me that the problem would be over..i still bother her everyday by iMessage-ing her once i wake up haha~i love you bebe! ♡
to alex a.k.a xiaopang,and jeroen~ thank you for your encouragements~ we shall chat again on fb some time~haha
to the staffs at school,esp pat and monica, who helped me with a lot of the process of registration..thank you~you guys had made the process a lot easier for me to handle.
to my housemates,jen and lisa,who are so nice to me and made it easier for me to adapt to the new environment.thanks guys~ :D
also to my twitter buddies and bebes,thank you for being on twitter and tweeting with me~
i should videocall my parents.....maybe tell them about my problems here..i still think that it's not right to keep it from them..
well wish me luck readers~i'll keep updating my condition~or maybe sulk a little here..haha~
until the next post~
annyeong~~♡
i think this is my first post in 2012..is it?
i hope most of you guys had a really great start to this whole new year, cos i had quite a start myself..
yep,as some of you might already know, i started 2012 by being on a flight of 16 hours~ from Indonesia to uncle Sam's country, the States.
and first i would really like to say sorry to my friends who didn't even know that i'm here because i didn't tell you...honestly, it wasn't because i didn't want you guys to know,but i myself is quite shocked that i would be leaving indo that quick.. it wasn't intentional~
so please accept my apologies, you may leave some complaints in the comments section later..i will accept all your complaints without any complaints.........*does that even make sense*
i stay in a small town, Davis..maybe a lot of you guys never heard of it before.and it's winter so it's really cold..but then again, everywhere is cold if compared to indo lol.*inaccurate data*
so right now i'm staying at an apartment with 2 housemates..my cousin used to live here,but she moved out to let me stay here instead because she knows that her housemates are nice people and will take care of me if she's busy..
i'm really really thankful for her help, because i'm sure if she's not here to help me, things would be 1000 times harder..
i'm really happy and thankful that i have 2 really nice housemates..they share food with me all the time~just like my previous roommate in taiwan..am i blessed or what? haha
my college is at another city called Sacramento, which is the capital of california~ i bet you didn't know about that..just like i didn't until my cousin told me lol~
and because i have no car,i have to take the public transportation to get there..the public transportation here in america,if compared to those in asia,really suck.hahahaha. i mean,if i was to miss a bus, i might be 1 hour late for my classes because the bus only comes at every 1 hour.so the total of time i need to get to the college from where i stay is approx. 2 hours,but if you have a car,it will only take around 15-20 minutes.. but then again it's better than nothing~~
if any one of you are curious about how i'm doing here, i can say that it's not as smooth sailing as i thought it would be..
honestly,there's a really huge stone that's been trying to make me trip and fall..
so last week i went to the international student center at the college to do all the paperwork and preparation for the start of the term including registering for classes and taking assessment tests..and i was shocked when the staff told me that most of the classes are full.and the problem is,i have to get at least 12 units that term so that i can maintain my student visa..most classes have 3 units so i need to get at least 4 classes.if i fail to do that,the government would send me home..
when i heard about that,i went to autopilot mode,nodding to everything the staff said while my mind just ran wild..i kept thinking,"what??after all i went through just to get here,i might have to go home???" i just kept thinking about what to do and what to tell my parents.i almost broke into tears there and then.. at that time i had to take my assessment tests as well..i was so taken aback by the information that i have just received that i yelped a little when my cousin had to leave me as i was going to take my assessments.. it has been a long time since i felt a fear of that level that even a small thing like my cousin leaving the room made me feel so alone and anxious..it was as if i was trying to say please don't leave me alone..
the test was an english test and on the essay part i went blank for 10 mins while my mind was trying to think of the topic and at the same time suppress all the other problems i had in my mind..but in the end i finished the test..and i just go the results yesterday.it was quite good honestly..i'm proud of myself haha.
after the test i tried to search for classes to register in with the help of my cousin..it was so discouraging to see how many classes were full and at the end of the day i managed to get into 4 classes' waiting list..so far i've only been successful in getting into 1 class but the counselor i met yesterday told me i had around 75% chance of getting all the class i registered for.i just have to go to the classes even though i'm still at the waiting list,who knows if the professor might just let me enroll into his/her class..
i haven't told my parents about all this..i'm still not sure whether it's the right thing to do,but i really don't want them to worry..i'm kinda waiting for things to get better before telling my parents about it.both my parents are busy and the time difference is really making it hard to contact them..i've only skype-d once with my mom and both of us cried once we saw each other's face.she video called me at around 1 or 2 days after i got the bad news from the college so it was really hard for me..i had so much to tell her but i just couldn't tell her..and because i'm so far from my parents the problems felt twice harder cos i can't complain about it to them anytime i want.
i cried myself to sleep every night since i found out about the college problems..i just cried and cried..i would try to fill my brain with so many other things,i watched a lot of korean variety shows,but still,once i had nothing to do my brain just automatically think about the classes. it's so hard and tiring..but i was the one who chose to come here so i have to solve my own problems..
now,at this moment i still worry about this problem a lot,but not as much as i first did.i guess my brain finally dealt with the blow and starts to let me act rationally..
also in this post i would like to make dedications to people who have helped me went through the hardest week of my first month in 2012 by being there for me..
to shery,who spared a lot of time listening*or reading* to my complaints,stories,nonsense and reassured me that the problem would be over..i still bother her everyday by iMessage-ing her once i wake up haha~i love you bebe! ♡
to my cousin,dewi..if it weren't for her help i think i would not be able to do anything right now.thank you~ i really appreciate your help :)
to robin,who chatted with me although he was busy..thank you~it means a lot to me when people spare time to listen to me~to alex a.k.a xiaopang,and jeroen~ thank you for your encouragements~ we shall chat again on fb some time~haha
to the staffs at school,esp pat and monica, who helped me with a lot of the process of registration..thank you~you guys had made the process a lot easier for me to handle.
to my housemates,jen and lisa,who are so nice to me and made it easier for me to adapt to the new environment.thanks guys~ :D
also to my twitter buddies and bebes,thank you for being on twitter and tweeting with me~
i should videocall my parents.....maybe tell them about my problems here..i still think that it's not right to keep it from them..
well wish me luck readers~i'll keep updating my condition~or maybe sulk a little here..haha~
until the next post~
annyeong~~♡
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