guess i just want to drop by my blog and put all those crap that have been causing me sleepless nights here.
have been waiting for a reply from the college about my admission for a few days..it's giving me a lot of stress to be honest. am i in or not? i mean,just give me a confirmation. even if i'm going to be rejected i want to know why and i want to know now. the wait is killing me. every night when i lay on my bed, that's basically the only thing i can think about. i'm losing hope here..
by the way, i got 8.0 for my IELTS. hurray for me~ *i just wanted to boast about it. u gotta problem with that?*
okay honestly i felt so extremely happy when i saw the scores like OMG i can't believe it. i got 9.0 for both the reading and listening part, 6.5 for the writing, and 7.5 for the speaking part. i just love the adrenaline rush and the feeling when i made myself proud. i am most content when i achieve something and i feel proud about it. and i have absolutely no problems if my parents don't give a damn about it. as long as i'm happy, i don't care. i've been trying so hard to get high scores for every single test i did ever since i remember, just so that i can feel proud of myself. so what if nobody gives a damn.
sometimes i feel like k-pop has just changed me waaaay too much. like really really really changed me. and i don't even know if it's a good thing.. okay,i'm much more talkative, happier, and become more cheerful as a being and i have my biases to thank. i just got infected by their personality. i feel that k-pop is no longer just about music, it's more like a lifestyle. and i'm getting pulled into that lifestyle.. i'm getting more and more superficial, more than i'm comfortable with anymore. i just find myself commenting about random people inside of my mind and it caught me off guard. it's just like "whoaaa,wait a minute..did i just say that?" before i know it i'm turning into a bitch. into someone i used to not like.. also i wonder whether it's just k-pop or the whole society i'm in has changed and i didn't realise it.
honestly i'm no longer comfortable with myself. if i went shopping without make up or 'decent' clothes, i will cover my face with my hands as if i'm afraid of being caught looking ugly when it's just me without make-up, it's the real me. i miss the old me with the 'i don't give a damn' attitude. the old me who's okay with myself dressing in simple t-shirt and pants and flipflops. people won't know how much i admire people who are able to wear whatever they want whenever they want. i put people's opinions too high in my priority list, as if i'm afraid they will hate me if they found out that i'm ugly, mean, or just anything different from what they imagined me to be. the world has forgot what inner beauty is... and please don't lie to yourselves and say that outer beauty is not important. i can't seem to find anyone who really loves someone from his/her inner beauty anymore. and honestly, i'm also the type who's attracted more to outer beauty than inner beauty. i won't lie about that. i like what i see, it's that simple.
society, what have you become?
something has been bothering me since last night.. okay i think it's more annoying than bothering though. i just felt so annoyed that i just had to talk about it.
i was browsing around on FB and checking on random humans' accounts when i saw a pic of a female human i knew and there were a few comments there. the first comment was from another female saying something like "hey,you look so slim~so pretty" it was a harmless comment,a really innocent one i believe, but then the owner of the pic had to reply with something like this "oh,come on~i'm so fat!you are slimmer than me,do you know how much i envy you" instead of just saying thanks for the compliment or something like that. honestly, I JUST HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT! especially female human species.please please please,it's one thing being humble and another being a bitch. well if that particular female human was FAT in real life i wouldn't mind her saying that she herself is fat, but when she looks sooooo thin if she goes thinner i would believe that she's anorexic, please human, don't make me feel like slapping you. female humans who are thin might not realise what kind of impact those simple "I'M SO FAT" words make to others. maybe they really don't know..so i shall elaborate here because i feel like so.
i'm never thin in my whole life and i know how much words can hurt. kids don't realise what they did so they shall be forgiven. but thin female humans who keep saying that they are fat shall not be forgiven. really. you are thin yet you always say that you're fat. do you know what runs through minds of overweight people when they hear that? "what does that make me? OBESE? a GIANT? a PIG?" when people say that you are slim just accept it with a smile, it's more humble than you saying that you're fat. thank you ♥
*sigh* some people are just so hard to love.
let's go change the mood of this post. it's filled with too much angst haha
so a few days ago i realise that i have a tendency to have an urge to bite people A LOT. i was sitting on the floor when a lot of people walked past me. i started to look around and found a few legs *read:thighs* which, honestly i thought, looked really yummy. no kidding. i just wanted to take a bite. yes i'm a freak, thank you but i knew it long ago.
and honestly i think that MYNAME's Insoo has a pair of really really lovely and tasty thighs. i mean his whole body just looks so juicy. how am i supposed to explain it without it sounding so wrong..
he's like a really really nice package cos his lips looks really tasty as well~
okay it's getting weird..i shall stop before people know what i'm really like.
another thing, my bebe friend is finally making a new blog after a hiatus of 1 year~
jessyfransiska.blogspot.com do do do read her posts.she's a bag of fun.how can you not like her~ *yes i'm secretly planting that idea into your brain* okay no,she's really fun in real life. haha.
i guess that's it!
annyeong~♥
