嗨～
好久沒用中文打字了～ ><
大家最近怎樣了？應該都很好吧？？

上個月回去印尼了，見了很多朋友。可是有些沒能見到的，下次一定要見面哦！
當個留學生 覺得回家時 是最幸福的感覺！！ 好想多回去幾趟 可是那可能啊～ 難道飛機票不用錢嗎？？ 

在聽 norah jones 的歌，感觸超多的。。 因為我媽很喜歡norah jones，現在聽這張album 就想起媽。。 ;A; 自己在國外念書 真辛苦。 :(
因為在印尼有交到一些朋友，一交 就當了十多年的朋友，在這裡覺得特別寂寞。也不知道該相信誰。因為一直有可靠 可信 的朋友，搬來美國時 也很想找到像在高中時認識的朋友。 可是我又能相信誰呢？ 幸好還有慈青們陪我，至少 我不會覺得那麼寂寞。

to be honest.. i might never really broached on this subject before because i think it's super sensitive to some. offensive to others. but there's always this thing stuck in my heart, in my throat, in my head.
how i wish i could tell people that i don't like them shoving things into my head, into my throat. how i wish i have the courage to say "please stop. you're torturing me."
want to know why i never truly felt at place here? it's because sometimes i don't feel like everyone here is on the same page as i am. it's not that im asking for everyone to agree with me, i just wish they would respect me. as a person. and accept me for what i am. not just trying to accept me but still try to change and mold me into something else behind my back. 
maybe because we don't think in the same way. the fundamental way of thinking is different. back in indo, no one really messed with me. we all know our differences and we just kept on minding our own businesses. no one tried to change the others to match with themselves. we just acknowledge our differences and live our lives, together. 
i don't even want to start counting the times where i think, "oh maybe it's because i'm different from them in that way, that's why i'll never be truly accepted"
i know it's stupid. i keep on telling myself so. i try so hard to think of it in a good way, but god it's so hard. it's so hard...... i end up hating it. generalizing. stereotyping. ugh god i hate stereotyping, i really do. i want all this bad feeling to stop. i just want someone to hold my hands and tell me it's okay to be different. it's okay. but more than that, i want someone to come to me and tell me that i'm not that different from them. i'm a part of them. 

i'm so messed up mentally. i would like to say spiritually but, what's a spirit anyways lol ((winks at my cognitive psyc book)) which havent even arrived yet fuck

frick i missed 歲末祝福~~ im gonna hide in a corner and cry now. like srsly...
im really out of it right now. super duper out of it. god save me..


heung. im a mess

good night people~ 

annyeong♡

random questions heh

found some questions again~ i rly like answering questions.. you readers never ask me any question so i'll just go search some and answer them. 

sort of an exercise for my brain too, to find out what i really think about myself. haha.

gogogo

1. What would you do differently, if you knew nobody would judge you?

>> i would probably be a lot more crazy, i mean i will do things without reservations and be free. i would sing if i felt like singing, jump if i feel like jumping, cry when i feel like crying. just do whatever i feel like. and probably said hi to a lot more people. not that im shy right now, but im just afraid of what people would think about me. ((shrugs))

2. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?

>> hmm.. i'd probably keep that friend as close to me as possible and as long as possible. hahaha. i simply adore myself that much i guess? i just need the encouragement from another person's mouth. like self encouragement, just from another person's mouth lolol

3. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

>> kinda tricky cos sometimes i act like a naggy mother, an old soul. and sometimes i act like a 5 year old, throwing random tantrums when i dont get what i want. either 30 or 5 lol. interchangeable HAHA

4. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?

>> hmm.. im not sure.. i think i'll say something very very common like, dont give up! dont succumb to fear~ and dont be afraid! you'll find someone that loves you! something along those lines. i'm a very cheesy person eew

5. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

>> yes. i think it's possible to lie to oneself without any word uttered lol.

6. If not now, then when?

>> it's now or never? not later, tmr, next time.

7. Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

>> i don't know. but i feel like something's missing... or maybe it's something that i have to let go? not sure. but something's off. i know it.

8. Have you done anything lately worth remembering?

>> worth remembering? i dont know i think my trip back home is worth remembering haha

9. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

>> i don't know what i won't do to save a loved one tbh.

10. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards and just do what you know is right?
>> i wish i could say now. but to stop calculating risks and rewards, it's almost impossible for me right now.. i want so much and will ask for so much more.. i just hope someday i could do what's right without second guessing myself.

11. Who do you love? And what are you doing about it?

>> depends on the type of love being asked here. romantically, i have no one at the moment and i dont really know what im going to do about it. aside from romantic love, i have a bunch of bebes and friends and my family to love~ and im trying my best to love them as much as i can.

12. Do you ask enough questions? Or do you settle for what you know?

>> i dont think i ask enough questions. i hate it when i try to settle for what i know. but sometimes im just afraid. im afraid the new things i find will push everything i know off a cliff and i have to start from zero again. fear. is such a scary thing.

13. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you have done?
>> i hope not. when it's all said and done, i hope i'll be able to just leave it be. wash my hands off it altogether. the end. 

14. When was the last time you tried something new?
>> does a new hairstyle count? or new jello flavor? 

15. Which activities make you lose track of time?

>> reading. and admiring myself in the mirror and singing. lol

16. If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
>> i dont know. maybe change nothing? there are some things i want to change but. haha. what if it changes everything else? 

17. What is the difference between living and existing?
>> existing is just being there. like it's a responsibility. it is breathing, eating, sleeping, pooping. being in the background. 

living is taking in fresh air when you breathe, eating all the good food, having big dreams and achieving it. being the main actor of your life.

18. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

>> i'd like to teach cooking tbh. but i suck at cooking loool. english is actually fun too. idk. teach kids how to read~ or do easy math. haha. i dont know. if it's kids, i'd be willing to teach them anything as long as they're not evil lol. and by evil i mean the kids, not the things i'll be teaching lol. dont you know some kids are just born evil loool no offense but some parents are just.... HAHA

yay 18 hard questions~ now for the easy ones~

1. What is your best friends name?

>>hehe no playing favorites here so, no names~ i will always forget someone lol

2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now?
>> haha grey gray. i think it's more gray then grey tho haha

3. What are you listening to right now?

>> urban zakapa's 그날에 우리

4. Whats your favorite number?
>> hmm.. 10 haha~

5. What was the last thing you ate?

>> green tea jello i made myself like yay

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
>> blue. or red. haha. /popular/ colors lol

7. How is the weather right now?

>> the weather has been surprisingly good these 2 days. friday was super warm! i loved it~ 

8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone?
>> hmm trang? and jieun i think..

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

>> height? lol. shoes. haha

10. Do you have a significant other?

>> haha i have significant many. 

11. Favorite TV show?

>> i dont have a tv here tbh.. but i like running man haha

12. Siblings?

>> 3 all younger.

13. Height?

>> last time i check 172.. but people has been telling me that i grew taller. shit. haha 

14. Hair color?
>> black. i've been wanting to dye it but i'm always second guessing myself so, no dyeing for me~

15. Eye Color?
>> black

16. Do you wear contacts?
>> yep i do from time to time. but lately my eyes are super tired so it's break time!

17. Favorite Holiday?

>> chinese new year lol it's not even a holiday here but whatever it's my fave haha!

18. Month?

>> march? idk. im playing favorites here cos it's my bday month haha

19. Have you ever cried for no reason?

>> yep. cried for reasons that i didnt know or didnt even exist. too frequently

20. What was the last movie you watched?

>> hmm...what was the last movie i saw on the plane.. i forgot >< 

21. Favorite Day of the Year?

>> my birthdayyy lol lies. i always feel crappy on my birthdays i dont know why. hmm.. idk.. i dont have a favorite day. 

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

>> no shit sherlock. if i wasn't shy i would at least got a date with ((simon)) lol

23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?

>> no. i suck at most of the existing physical activity that has ever existed.

24. Hugs or Kisses?

>> hugs~ cos kisses, i never got legit kisses before lol

25. Chocolate or Vanilla?
>> chocolate cos vanilla is like junmen. and seobaby. 

26. Do you want your friends to respond to this?

>> hahahha yes idk no?

27. Who is most likely to respond to a text from you?

>> my bebes

28. Who is least likely to respond to a text from you?
>> ..... people who dont know me??

29. What books are you reading?

>> the shining.. a guy on the plane told me he just finished the book the other day lol. so awkward cos i was like oh yeah?? omg jane. very smooth indeed you idiot

30. Piercings?
>> 1 on each ear. standard..

31. Favorite movies?

>> heh. idk. i have no favorites. i like most animation from dreamworks lol.

32. Favorite football Team?

>> heh. dont watch football..... 49ers?? lol hahah i dont know~~

33. What are you doing right now?

>> answering these questions while silent skype-ing my bebe

34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?

>> sweet ones with caramel~

37. Dogs or cats?

>> hmm idk.. dogs are a lot cuddlier but cats, i like how smart cats are lol

38. Favorite flower?

>> idk. i havent really seen much flower irl before. but not roses. cos their thorns.. i've got a few scars on my hand because of roses... ;A;

39. Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do?

>> haha probably yessss

40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?

>> i think i do haha

41. Have you ever loved someone?

>> wow yeaaaah~ not like romantically but yeaaah

42. Who would you like to see right now?

>> i would like to see all my bebes rn

43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?

>> yeaaah at least 1 or 2 of them haha

44. Have you ever fired a gun?

>> nope and i do not plan to

45. Do you like to travel by plane?
>> not my fave but it's okay as long as i'm not sitting near a crying baby~ haha

46. Right-handed or Left-handed?

>> right. but training to be ambidextrous cos i want to paint my nails perfectly loool

47. How many pillows do you sleep with?
>> i only have 1 here. so 1.. back at home i have 2, so 2~ lol

48. Are you missing someone?

>> maybe i'm missing you~~

49. Do you have a tattoo?
>> nope.. not really planning to get one either...... haha 我怕疼

so that's all the questions for tonight i guess~

i feel like every time i try to quit the fandom, new things pop up, and old feelings resurface. i guess, i just like them that much huh? haha.

i know some of the things might not be as real as we all think. our /oppars/ might not be as good as we all thought. but i'd still like to at least have my own little image of who someone like kai is. or someone like kris or chanyeol is. even my favorite diva, Key. or my dumb and dumber duo, jongyu~

haha im getting abit sentimental here lol~ 

one day you wake up, feeling as if nothing has changed. you get ready to do your activities, exactly like any other day. meet all the usual people at the usual places. but suddenly he catches your eyes. that person who you see every single day. you don't know exactly how or why. is it because of the look in his eyes. or did he change his hairstyle again. is it just you, or did his lips get a lot pinker. you begin to wonder. and the more you wonder, the more you are attracted to him. to his soft black hair, to the way his eyebrows curve, the way his eyes seem to sparkle under the lights, framed by thick lashes, then to his sculpted nose, cheekbones, and finally those thin pink lips. 

heh practice writing looool

im rly bad at writing i always make fragments....

hmm i'll probably continue writing more later loool. but i rly like using the second person view for writing. kkk but its too late to continue. i'll kill myself this way lol

annyeong ♡

hey people~ 
im back~ 
and yeah it's a saturday and im spending my time here in my apt living room, writing my blog. i have such a wonderful life. idk if i want to add sarcasm here.. maybe not. im feeling quite good actually haha.
yeah apparently i ate enough and found a few cute pics of my babies so, im good. :D
first week of spring semester went okay i guess haha. not very excited about it tbh im not gonna lie im not a very enthusiastic student haha.

apparently the first month of 2013 is going to end soon! time is just running away from my reach... i have to work harder!! gogogo~!!

so, up to now, i guess my january has been an okay one.
apart from the jealousy pangs i get from seeing my friends interacting well with each other, im fine haha.
okay i really need to explain about this "jealousy" issue haha. im gonna write it here for people to see~ 
my jealousy is not the type that moulds itself into thoughts that's like "oh i wish they wouldn't be so close to each other" or "i hate it when they're close to each other" 
it's more like the "i wish im as close to them as they're close to each other" type. cos tbh im the type of person that feels left out really easily. especially towards friends i actually care about. 
i mean, to those i dont care, idgaf whether they want to invite me to hangouts or not. im not even that close to them.. 
but to friends that i rly care about, i really want to be close with everyone and if i see some being closer with each other more than me, i get this envy slash jealousy thing in my system. 
honestly its bothering me a lot... im so clingy.... ;A;

i have issues lol

if i ask for a boyfriend seriously.. will you give me one?? lol
like the way i asked for a cute guy during my flight back to sg. cos oh yea i did get to sit beside a cute guy HAHA. you guys know how long i asked for one right??? i think i haven't wrote about that here haha. i'll tell you guys like NOW cos i just feel like it lol

lol jk im not gonna tell it to you guys cos it's actually nothing lol he's just super cute like 2AM's jinwoon looool okay maybe not. idk he's sitting beside me, not facing me, i cant stare like a creeper all the time ya know~ but yeah, all i did was peek at his laptop screen, peek at his name on his freaking documents and offer him some candy lol. IM SUCH A CREEP i cannot..... i cant help myself okay. it's such a bad habit tho. heh
and yeah i lent him my pen cos his friend is obviously a bit deaf, he was asking for a pen for 3 times and his friend didnt even react ugh. i just had to give him mine~ harhar~ im such a creep but i cant help it~ ughhh he said do you have a pen in freaking korean 3 times i just cant stand it when people get ignored. ofc he was shocked and probably thinks im creepy as fuck but yeah. like he's gonna remember me after that lol.
but my fave part is when he said bye to me at the airport~ it was so nice, i wish i had actually spoke to him more... but i was super intimidated by his friends tbh. i met one of his friends 3 times at the airport..... not a very good thing imo. heuk~ if only he was alone hahaha. but yeah that was my tiny wish that was granted lol. thank you~ :D

oh wow i ended up writing about it anyways lol.
so yeah that's my mini adventure on the plane back to sg~ transited in korea~~ i shld totally do that again next time i go back~ kkk
and this time maybe i'll actually "grow a pair" and ask the cute guy's name? lol


and i do realize that once i like someone or something, my brain can't stop telling me about it. so to my future person of interest i think i'll randomly confess to you as we're dating lol. that is, if i like you that much lol. i'll be like oh wow i like you so much haha. just like how i love my babies~ haha


btw i miss my bebes a lot!!! >< 
i want to hangout more~ i feel like i dont hang out enough here sigh. what's with my life.... sometimes i feel like i dont have any friends here sigh haha. i should not be lamenting about this tbh but i just cant help it sighhh~
i need to find a new hobby i think.. oh wow i forgot about the jogging deal loool sorry dad. sorry body. like looool

im like really bored i'll make a mini resolution for 2013
i'll probably do my dishes more than before.. i am a bad housemate tbh im so messy. my room is like a hell hole. i mean i think hells are more organized in some way or form. mine is just like a shipwreck, yeah i think it fits better. haha.
and eat healthier maybe. to appease my dad and my body. wow. my mouth is so unhappy haha.
and probably start worrying whether i'm actually attractive or just plain gross. i mean, being single for almost 20 years now. im turning 20 this march idk i just think maybe, maybe it's time for me to worry about getting a bf? cos tbh people always say 20s are the fastest moving years of our life. so yeah.. i dont know.  im just really nerdy and lame in real life loool. hahahahaha but i guess if i stay single for another 10 years it wont make much of a difference? lol idk~ my love life is still a ZERO. haha. maybe i'm just too gross for guys lol. ((shrugs))
maybe i need some male insight in this lol. i mean i dont think im asking too much out of a bf tbh.... or maybe i am and i don't rly notice. heh
im not exactly asking for someone who's like keulnim or jongin or ohmija. i just want someone who makes stupid jokes to make me laugh, someone who i can fight with over every little thing and by the end of the day would still hold my hands and admit that we're both stupid. tbh appearances... of course it would be nice if he's good looking, i mean let's be real people. but then again if he looks normal that'll be great too, cos i look normal too haha. but most importantly i need someone to keep me grounded when i have my head up in the clouds haha. 
haha im asking a lot out of this lol. but from past experiences i found that i only get what i want after i ask for it. things aren't gonna pop out for you without you wanting it to pop out. so haha wish me luck~ ((winkwink)) im gonna go manhunting looool jk. maybe i dont need one yet?? hahah idk this indecisiveness is killing me i mean. i dont even know if i want it or not. lol. maybe just give me one when im mentally ready okk? haha

i probably have to go and buy myself a hair straightener.. my hair, looks absolutely stupid right now. heh. i shld've cut them shorter sigh sigh. im addicted to hair cutting loool


heh i spent so many portion of the blog talking about me trying to look for a guy loool THE THIRST IS SO OBVIOUS im so gonna die lol

heh oh sehun is just like all of us kai fans.
look at his smirk i just.... 
it's okay sehun, i'd do that too if i were u. haha. kai is just too irresistible~ not gay at all yo. i love ya


annyeong♡

people.. i got issues

like haha it's an old thing but still i feel like typing about it to just put this whole thing off my system. 
so i know that im the possessive slash clingy type of person, and i just go on this possessive slash jealous spree with my friends randomly. i mean, i can't stand it when other people gets close to my friends lol. 
i have nothing against my friends making other friends, honest to sparkly things, but srsly i get super jealous when i see a friend of mine getting too close with other friends, even if im the one who introduced them to each other.
it's to the extent that at times i feel like not introducing my friends to each other... when those thoughts come out i'd always mentally slap myself... i feel like a bitch lol. but i have never ever done that sort of thing before. that's just plain evil lol. and it will kill me if i actually did that to someone~ how can i deny someone of a friend like srsly jane. 

and ofc THANK GOD AND ALL SPARKLY THINGS i /may/ have found my future housemate! GOD I LOVE YOU THE BEST HAHA YES THIS IS CONFESSION TIME LOL 
and since it's confession time im gonna confess that im addicted to GG's IGAB like when that song first came out i didnt like it..... HAHA i love the dance before the song tbh so yeahh hahahha at first i didnt get what the song was cos it's sooo confusing. it still is confusing but at least now i got an image of what the song is about... i think... hahaha
but still my love for pretty girls >>>> the meaning of the song tbh. my eyes are just haha. i love sparkly things too much~ 

and heh i have a friend for my anthro class yay~ jeremy lin lol. like srsly his name is jeremy lin but he's not that super smart asian basketball player. he's my humanities classmate so yay for classmates! gonna have to ask for his num soon.. anthro class is hard! ;A; idk what i got myself into but yeah since lindell won't teach anth300 anymore im stuck with this other lecturer sigh. pray god it'll be over soon like in may which is soon lol.

and yeah im still in the campus library.. idk if this wld be a habit cos my psyc books are heavy as hell i dont think i can bring my laptop to campus anymore.. im gonna kill my back one day hurrr. 

im basically bored and my trang is not here im sad.
im gonna walk to class in 10 mins sigh. 



ttys people

annyeong♡

2013 hello. hi. hey. yo.

hi people~ haha i've been bailing out from this blogging thing for too long. im sorry ><

so yeah i think i told you guys that i went back to indo during my winter break. thus the no show in the blog haha. i had too much fun and food in indo. my face is turning into some sort of ball ide..  but in a nutshell i had fun back in indo altho i didnt meet as many people as i hoped. WHICH SUCKS HARD but. whatever haha. im banning those ppl out of my laife LOL jk people i still love you guys and girls. 
but yeah i dont think going back too much is such a good idea. i mean now i get HOMESICK and it sucks. home sickness is like, the worst thing ever. LOL. 

okay so im at the library right now. and they're people actually doing some solid reading i mean srsly IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS PPL.... i dont even have a single textbook yet. what am i doing with my student life?? i suck. obviously.

and yeah i still have the roommate issue going on. GOD PLS GIVE ME A HOUSEMATE I LOVE YOU. 
i know i keep on asking stuff from you but yeah. hehe. i need to ask to get, so why not risk asking. i mean, the worst that cld happen from asking is that i dont get what i want. lol. 

and apparently im still very single in this new year.. 22 days into the year. let's see how im going to survive this year haha. pray for me and yourselves people. 

and yeah about the resolutions thingy. im just too lazy to make one. but apparently during my less-than-one-month-stay at home, my dad kept on teaching me ways to diet im like DAD PLS. he kept on saying things like, how can you be that fat. LOL DAD. i love you. and thank you hahahha i'll try the diet okk. and probably jog. but it's cold. it's always too cold or too hot lol..

this post is so much rant... i think it's bcos i havent got enough sleep now im just in bitch mode haha. im such a good human im so proud of myself sighhh. 

hmm i just found out about a story from my friends yesterday... wow. i never know such a thing happened... wowowow DRAMA~ i have lived a year free from drama like yaaay. drama is... overrated. hahaha. drama fee life is just the best... well it gets abit boring but who likes drama that ruins relationships and life. 
maybe i do....? just not that much hahaha. but sometimes i feel like wow i wish i didnt knew a few stuff about this or that person... i mean. let me have my magic personal image of that friend of mine okay. i mean sometimes you tell yourself that some things will never change your relationship with someone but it's rly hard not to change your mind about someone once you heard something bad about that person... you cant lie to your brain, it's far too efficient~ it will use the information to classify that person.. the process repeats after every new info is received or interaction happens. it's just soooo good okay i love my brain sfm. 



my first class this smester is cognitive psyc yay! dr. T yay. i kinda like the way he teaches so. wish me luck in that class people. my class will be starting in less than 20 mins so nervous!!!


byeeeeeeee peopleeee
annyeong♡