i'm gonna die cos apparently the SQ website hates me.
i'm still here in davis and they say my flight itinerary is fully flown like wth SQ i'm still here TT my flight is supposed to be on dec 23 TT

im going to cry rn. i mean. what kind of force is trying to keep me here? is something bad going to happen if i go back? stop trying to stop me from going back. i just want to go back home :( you can say "i told u so" for the whole 2013 if something actually happens but i just want to go home. :(

daaaaaaaaaaad~ help me ;A; i'm forever a princess for my dad srsly. ><

i mean. im already that close to going home. i don't want to stay here during winter break.
just dont make me cry the whole winter break okay. thank you very much. and don't kill me on the flight too. just. pls. let me go home~

LIKE PLEAAAAASE PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP LIKE JUST LET ME GO BACK. LET ME GET THE CLASSES I NEED JUST UGH. im so frustrated rn. 

i think im going to throw up now. like srsly. im gonna sulk all day today. and register for my classes omg. im so scared i cant bring myself to see my eservices page like what if all classes are full. i mean god help me. like ohmygod. jebal jom salyeojwoyo TT



annyeong☹
*sad face cos im sad as hell rn*

year end post - part 1

hi~ i'm back again..
i just re-read what i posted the last time and, people, that was depressing haha.
now i feel bad for making you guys read that...
and i'm thinking about starting to write my year end conclusion thingy by parts. i'm sure i won't be able to finish everything at one go so. yeah. 

so, 2012 in a nutshell was a stupid and crazy year. so many first time for everything.
but yeah i survived living without my parents for a year /yay/ ((throws confetti))
well yeah i think i survived well enough although i think i might have broken some part of my body in the process of trying to survive. well mostly internal organs and maybe a few cuts and bruises and burns. im not gonna die yet, so. 

this whole year living alone has given me new habits lol. i think i'm becoming more of a cheapskate now lol. i'll be super happy when i get free stuffs, free meals, offers, sales. i mean it's not like i'm not getting enough allowance money from my parent but it's just a thing i developed lol. i'd go to activities that i'm not rly interested in just for the food. i think i'm finally feeling what every college kids go through, i mean when i was in highschool, we'd always talk about college kids sneaking into weddings for free food in indo lol. the things we do for food~

and i finally noticed that my hygiene habits are kinda bad. i need to work on that so bad lol. my room is so messy TT but i think it's still acceptable. i've seen worse. 
and 2012 will be the year where i'm drug-free yay~ so i haven't ate any kind of medicine this year~ it's such a big accomplishment cos every year i'd at least fall rly sick for once. like reaaally reaaaally sick. but this year i survived without any medicine. and i hope i won't get sick when i get back to indo. cos i'm sure the sudden change of weather is going to do something to my body TT
well and i'll probably hurt my stomach with all the spicy food in indo ohgod i can't wait to get back and eat all the chili!!!
i'm so gonna get fat by the time i get back to davis...

and talking about first time experiences, i'll tell u people about a depressing yet super embarrassing and dramatic thing that happened on the first month i came here.
so, as some of you readers might already know, my first month here was really rough. basically i had to live with strangers, and had to go everywhere by myself. and when i came here i found out that i was late in registering for classes and that freaked the shit out of me. most classes were full and i was truly panicking so hard cos if i couldn't get my 12 units i might have to go back to indo. 
so i commute by bus to campus, whether it is to the davis center or the main campus in davis. so that one day i was trying to get into a class but the prof told all the waitlisted students that we might not have any chance and told us to just leave the class. i was truly devastated at that stage. i mean, it was the first time for me going through this all and all the anxiety put into my body, together with that rejection, i was feeling so bad. and guess what, cos i'm a drama queen, i cried on the bus on my way home. 
like srsly. i cried for almost the whole 45 min ride of the bus, i feel like killing my old self for embarrassing myself like that. it was like a scene in a cheesy korean drama omg. i was sitting there and just crying nonstop like the world was ending, and some of the passengers, i think most of them were ppl getting home from work, started to throw me concerned looks. at that moment i couldn't care less of what people think i was just so immersed in feeling sad lol. i still get embarrassed when i think about it now. like srsly jane, you just had to be that dramatic. someone should've casted me as a female lead for their drama. hahaha. 
but hey, i survived that semester! haha. i survived summer semester too~ 

this summer was the first time i encountered a day that was as hot as 40ºc i thought i was going to die. and first time i experienced seeing the sun when it's already 8pm! it's sooo weird for me. and yeah now the sun sets before 5pm. i always get so disoriented when seasons change, i have no sense of time. 

there are a lot of other first times too... but i can't really remember most rn haha~ 
i'll probably add more later!!!

last 2 weeks of class this semester yay!
i can't wait to just go back home. like home, home. not that apartment in south davis. not my uncle's place in san ramon, nor my aunt's place at irvine. but my home at freaking indonesiaaaaa

gonna go to talk time now and wish me luck for my writing class presentation people! :D



annyeong♡

young female human talk 3~!!!

hey readers~
i haven't been writing much lately cos my papers were killing me~
i have another paper due on monday but it's alright cos my writing class' paper is done like yayyyyyy
i slept at 7pm last night cos i was just soooo sleep deprived for 2 weeks i was dying, so when i got back from class i was still trying to watch some videos and eat dinner. but after dinner i was like no. i need a bed like now. yeah and that's how i missed the whole freaking MAMA but i think everyone won so everyone was happy? haha idk
all i know that my freaking plot twist came true cos yeah buskerbusker won rookie award like eat that bap and exo fans lol. those two fandom just went crazy and like a war broke or something. i don't know i was too busy with my paper. 

^^^ that part was written yesterday. i totally forgot about this post haha. 
so it's the first day of the last month of this year yay~
2012 has been a wild ride. haha. i don't know how to explain it but yeah. it's a hella crazy year. 
i think i used to write some sort of yearly conclusion thingy on my blog in the past.. i don't know. i never really checked but yeah. since 2012 is the first year i moved here to davis, california, i really want to make a year-end blog post thingy this year. 

i'll tell you guys everything that happened this year. the happy ones, sad ones, crazy ones, stupid ones. i really want to do this so, people, please remind me~ 

and i'll probably make another year end resolution? idk. year end resolutions are kinda stupid but i'll probably make one just for the heck of it lol. i'll probably wish to get a boyfriend or something along those lines lol. santa won't you give me a guy this year? i think i'm starting to get a bit despo here lol. 
yesterday i went shopping by myself *again* and bought a skirt that i love love love ohgod. and it only costs $12 altho there are some seams coming out i have no complaint since i got if for half the price. i'm not the type who'll make a big fuss about something that i cannot change. might as well try looking for ways to fix it haha.


i'm actually in the mood to make a young female human talk thingy again today haha. part III anyone?
for new readers who don't know what this "young female human" talk thing is, it's basically me, yours truly, writing a bunch of my thoughts *some might call it bullshit* about a topic that has been either bothering me, or about things that i've noticed from the people around me. and yeah like any young female human, i like talking about boys, love, crush and whatever that mumbo jumbo thing is. i wish i could talk about more serious stuff such as religion, racism, feminism, misandry, sexual education, and stuff like that, but it seems like those topics are so sensitive and i have absolutely no education on that so i will just save everyone and myself the trouble by just talking about shit that other young female human talks about. 

well well once again, i abandoned this post for a few hours *oops*

i was actually planning to talk about love and loving an image of someone rather that the person itself. but i showered and went to youtube and watched a few vid.. decided to talk about how important my friends are for me. and how words really hurt. the person who made the whole "stick and stones may break my bones but words won't hurt me" phrase really need to re-evaluate his life. like seriously, if i had a choice between breaking my bones or having to hear all those hurtful words i heard in the past, i would rather someone just broke my leg or both of my legs, cos i know it will heal. yeah it will not be perfect but at least i can't inflict the pain to myself over and over again, even after years have passed. 

words does hurt. and it hurts more that physical pain cos you can't re-inflict physical pain just by imagining getting yourself stabbed again and again. but your brain surely can replay those hateful words people said about you 10 years ago, again and again and again and again, until the day your brain forgets those words. and the pain that was caused by those words, it will feel as bad as the first time you heard it if you let it hurt you. it could even hurt worse. sometimes it will make you believe that those words are true. that yes, you are useless. you are worth nothing. people like you should just die. replay that 5 times a day and soon your brain will believe that it's true. that's why, think before you speak. please. i try to control my mouth more now. i bet i hurt quite a few people in the past. and i would truly like to say i'm sorry. i am truly very sorry. i was immature. and i know it shouldn't even be used as an excuse, cos i should have known better. i know how it feels yet i still did that. i am truly very sorry. 
it is easy for words to cause people to fall into depression. and depression can be really mild or really severe. sometimes it makes you want to end your life, just because it feels as if it is easier to just end it all. 

i think i've talked about this in one or two posts in the past. i just feel like it will never ever be enough. i just wish people would teach their kids how they should act. sometimes i feel so frustrated. so so so frustrated. i always feel so frustrated when i see someone post something about having suicidal thoughts. i'm so frustrated because i can't help. and i'm so frustrated when people just brush off these kinds of problems. i know these kind of things can so easily be seen as someone trying to seek for attention. and i will tell you, yes they are seeking for attention. they are. because they feel so alone, so helpless, they want people to understand them or at least not judge them. 

that's the reason why i always make an effort to listen to whatever my friends have to say. because i know how it feels to be so helpless, i wish i could die. i hated myself so much at one point of my life i wish i could just end my life. i felt so alone. i felt like everyone was so busy with their own life and i was just there, doing nothing. just being a useless being. i never really talked about this with my friends. but i was glad, i was so so so glad that i talked to my mom about it. i really really want to thank god or karma or whatever this mighty power for giving me a wonderful family. i really do. 

and i'm so glad you people can't see my face right now cos i have water coming out of my eyes and nose i'm just a mess haha. but yeah, i am so glad my mom noticed something was wrong with me and just sat down and talked to me. i think i cried in front of her while telling her i felt so useless, i felt so inferior compared to all my peers and friends. i felt like i was a disappointment for the family, and that i couldn't make my parents proud. and guess what she told me. she told me that it's okay. everything will be okay. there will always be a way out for everything, always a plan B, a second option. and that no matter what i do, she'll still be proud of me and that everyone will still love me. and guess what, after that talk, everything, and i mean everything, went well for me. 

i don't know if any of my friends reading this would actually believe me, but i will honestly tell you that i've thought about ways to end my own life. i thought about which floor of a building should i jump from, what cleaning supplies should i drink so that i will die as quickly as possible, whether i should just cut my wrist or just hang myself. it was stupid i know, but it seemed like such a good option at that time. i'm just really glad that i didn't have the balls to do those things and that i'm not that despo at that moment. 

i know that not every one is as lucky as i am. i have a wonderful family, and really amazing friends. some people's source of problem could be their own family, or that they have really shitty classmates. and for those people who feel so tired and sick of this world, you know what, i am really sick and tired of this world too. i cannot and will not promise nor guarantee that everything will be better. but all i know is that without another person trying to change the world into a better place for everyone, things won't change. it will stay that way for the rest of time. i know it's not easy, it's almost impossible really, but i do have this stupid idealistic wish, this small wish, that i too can make a difference. i myself is just 1 against the world. but if every single, small, weak, insignificant human work toward the same goal, wouldn't it be an easier job for all of us? one of my goals in life is, if i'm lucky enough to have children, i want to be an awesome mom to my kids. i think that's the least i can do, to be someone who's like my parents. 
i am really thankful to have parents that will accept me for whatever i am. they never for once tell me i have to be this or that. the only thing my dad usually tells me is that i should try to lose weight. yes dad, i'm working on that, still. i can't promise you that i'd be thin but at least i will try to keep myself healthy. i remember how my dad would point at his friend's kids and say "look at her, look at her body. you can be like that. stop eating too much." here's a shout-out for my dad, "yes dad i can see she has a rly good body, but i just love food too much. as much as i love you. so just remember that i love you" 
i know my dad meant the best for me. it's just an asian thing. asians show off their daughters like that. i should just ace in my studies so i can be showed off as a smart daughter, not a daughter who's pretty or has a body like a model. or maybe one day a stray lightning will strike me and i decide to be a daughter who's smart AND is pretty and has a body like a model. who knows dad, who knows~ then you'll be the proudest dad out there. i will try and fulfill that wish of yours dad. haha. 

so in a nutshell i feel really lucky. and i just wish and hope that everyone can get another chance in life. i know the future is so so bleak for us now, but who knows, who knows one day someone will be able to change this world. it could be you! but if you said goodbye to this earth so quickly, who will help us change this world?? once again, i cannot promise things will get better, but i know there will be a place that we belong to. we just have to find it! i'm still looking for mine now so let's work hard together!!! 

and a gif of my babies to cheer you people up~ to make it better or worse idk, the girl jumping there is actually a guy. 


annyeong♡

hey readers... happy thanksgiving.
i still don't really understand the reason behind celebrating thanksgiving. it's the asian in me. 
and yeah i signed up for a retreat and guess what, one of the required items i must bring is a bible. HAHAHA. nope. i don't even have one. i really don't know what i signed up for. like srsly i feel like slapping myself right now. 
but yeah.. i basically signed up cos my aunt and housemate kept on asking me to go. sigh. a big fat sigh for you jane. i should stop trying to please others and put myself in a spot. idk. i don't really know what to expect but......... i can't really find a bright side in this situation.. i think i'm just really tired right now. 

jane. you can do this. 
and yes i still need that motivational letter from someone. 

i've been listening to a song for days now...

i really like this song. my mom really likes him lol. like srsly my mom really really like cute guys. i think i got the genes from her haha. i got a lot of weird genes from my parents lololol.
but yeah this song is really good. i think i just wanted a long long break from kpop lol. 
the song is actually rly sad. and if u watch the mv it's just sadder cos the girl chose to go with another guy who looks worse than anthony im like "bij whyyyyyy" it's the personality i guess? lol. but looking at cute mixed guys, i really want to have mixed kids too lol. but i've never rly been into orang putih so. idk. can't rly have mixed kids with asians cos im asian too.......

and i'm making such slow progress on my paper ohgod i need someone to slap my face every time i procrastinate. sigh. big fat sigh.

but still i'm very excited to go home. i just hope i can get all the classes i want for next semester. the system decided to give me the last date to register im like fuck this shit maaaaaan i need my classes TT people are registering nonstop rn and i'm still waiting for my turn like ugh. i can't go back if i dont have my 12 units like FML. im just waiting for deja vu to happen. ohmy. i'll tell you guys every single thing on my 2012 concluding post or something like that. i'll tell you people the highlight of my 2012~ it was a crazy ride. but yeah turns out the world isn't ending this year LOL. i was actually looking forward to seeing people just let themselves go cos they thought the world was ending. but. i'm disappointed lolol. this is like Y2K? idk i'm too young when Y2K was "happening" lol i was too young to care. 


yeah. it's just a random rant post......... time for bed...


annyeong♡

hi readers. 
just a quick update cos i feel like it.
im having a cup of hot chocolate right now while listening to Frank Ocean's Forrest Gump.
it's getting colder and colder now~ 
and i kept on catching myself sighing all the time. i should stop sighing that much..
always the end of the 3rd week of november. damn 2012 went by so quickly!
can't wait to go home~ can't wait till all the paper writing ends! 
10 more days till my paper's due~ TT i really really need to finish it up soon or i'll die for sure~ :( 
thanksgiving is coming. and im totally not anticipating it bcos of my papers. i need motivation!! someone teach me how to motivate myself~
have been procrastinating for so long~
skype-d with people at home on saturday night. dad asked me what i was doing on a saturday night. i told him i was writing a paper and he was all like "what? why do you always have homework to do on saturday nights? don't you have plans??" 
see.. now my dad worries about my social life too.. he said it wasn't like that when he was in college. lol dad. idk~ ask my lecturers, dad~~ why do they give me so many things to do~~ TT

i don't even know what classes im going to take next semester. do i take psyc classes? or do i take bio classes? or do i take the critical thinking class? omg idk what to do~ all i know is that i can't take all 3 at a go~ i'll probably die. ohgosh i really don't know what to take~ TT sigh sigh sigh a big fat sigh for myself. see now i'm sighing again. ><

someone write me a cute motivating letter pls. ;A;



annyeong♡
maybe i'll take 2 psyc classes, then find 2 other random classes to take like sociology or anth... idk. sighhhhh

84qs and a dash of rant

hi readers~ i haven't been updating as much as i want lately.

classes have been so stressful. i feel like everything is going downhill... im so sad. cos i got a C for my stats exam. /cries/ i hope it's like a bad fluke or something. cos it's just stupid. i could have done better. it's not like i don't understand a thing. it's just. /sigh/ it's all my fault. i should've taken better care of my body. 

so yeah. i'm not in the mood to write my papers yet. so i guess this is some sort of pre-writing thing i'm doing to get myself into the writing mood. and yeah i found a list of questions but i'll just answer some that's relevant to my mood... so. ignore the half hearted answers..... leggo



1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? 

im not really confused right now. im just pissed off. very very pissed off. idek why. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? 

yes. i get good morning texts from my bebes from the other part of the earth.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? 

i would care cos i absolutely hate the smell of pot. if pot smelt better i wouldn't care, as long as my significant other don't do it in front of the kids.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? 

i think i trust people too easily, a bit too easy to my liking. but once someone break my trust, i'll find it almost impossible to trust that person again. i'll doubt every single thing that person say, so please dont break my trust.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? 

probably watching ellen? idk. i watch too much ellen vids lately. i adore her haha

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? 

...but i'm never drunk... 

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? 

hmm... i don't know. i never thought about this before. but if i was cheated on so bad, i'd probably try to kill someone. or maybe just make that cheater's life very very miserable. like burning everything he loves. including the person he's cheating with. lol. no. maybe just humiliate him in some way, or mess with his head. i kinda like that idea of messing with someone's head. 

8: Are you close with your dad? 

i think im close, but i wish it was closer. idk. sometimes i feel awkward and distant. it's an asian-father thing i guess. but i'm gonna say we're on good terms :) 

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? 

kissed my ass lol. i wish i was that flexible, but no. i did not kiss anyone last night.

10: What are you listening to? 

a christmas song lmao. it's never too early to listen to a christmas song, i mean it's november lolol. it's SJ's cover of Santa U are the One hahaha

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? 

water~ or tea. 

12: Do you like hickeys? 

what's a hickey lolololol if you're asking about the love mark thingy, i don't know, im not a big fan of bruises. unless it's on my shin, cos i knock on things all the time,so. 

13: What time do you go to bed? 

midnight is usually the limit. i wish it was earlier like 10. 

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? 

nope. i just hope im not that person to someone else

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? 

not since i'm using an iphone cos of the qwerty keyboard. the phone's too wide and the keys are too small

16: Do you always answer your texts? 

depends. but mostly i do.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? 

nope. usually the feelings just dissipate. gone with the wind~ lol

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

thru text it's like almost daily, but face to face? it's been months. WHERE IS THAT GUY WHO'S SUPPOSED TO INVENT TELEPORTATION? I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO BE BORN ALREADY

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? 

((simon)) lol i always get excited when i see him. and probably my friends. i always feel a lot better when i see my friends.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? 

"damn my papers. damn this month is gonna be so hard. damn everything"

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? 

nope. im alone~ haha

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? 

yeah.. sort of haha

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? 

4 months ago was...july. probably was. i'm so stressed now ugh im not stressed jane you are not stressed

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? 

not really. i think i fixed almost everything that i can.. the others.. im not so interested to fix[?]

25: In the past week, have you cried? 

yes. thanks to my academic death.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? 

white with a grey tanktop inside

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? 

all the time. ever since i came here.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? 

idk. i hope not. 

29: Do you have a best friend? 

i don't have A best friend, i have many many many bebes and reaaally good friends. no one's the /best/

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? 

yes it would be real hard cos i never rly kissed anyone before lolol

31: Who was your last call from? 

jen~

32: Are you mad at anyone?
no. yes. idk. im not supposed to be mad. it's just that, i can't stand them. 

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? 

my mom? dad? lololol

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?
idk~~

35: How many more days until your birthday?
omg srsly. i'm not gonna count.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

no cos it's fall right now. i have winter plans tho. 

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?
yes i do. i hope im their /good/ friend too lol. like it'll be kinda sad if it's one-sided lololol

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? 

nope. i dont think so. i tell them anything and everything.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? 

hmm.. probably hahaha everybody has secrets~

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? 

no. i don't anyhow kiss de okay.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?
i think maturity matters more. age is just numbers~

42: Are you available? 

to...? i'm available to hang out like go drink tea or smtg but i'm not available to fuck. lol.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 

what kind of feelings. cos i have different type of strong feelings for different people. 

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? 

on my bellybutton lol no. not ears? maybe lips? idk. im not a big fan of piercings

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? 

i believe they can be anything they want. 

46: Do you regret anything? 

i'd probably say no. regrets are kinda useless don't u think?

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? 

i will die if i don't start doing my papers this weekend.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? 

i don't know. maybe? it was stupid. everyone in primary school was stupid.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? 

/)__-

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? 

because i don't know who i like~

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
/)__(\

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? 

-__(\

53: What was the last thing you ate? 

sweet potatoes

54: Did you get any compliments today?
nope. i haven't had enough social interactions today

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?
im going back home yay!

56: Do you own anything from other countries?
huh? like stuff? i have a bunch of things from different countries. i don't even know which country i really belong to lol. i'm chinese, born in indo, so i have an indo passport, i have both an indo ID and a cali ID card, i have hecka lot of albums from korea. is that what this question was asking?

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? 

girls. lol.

58: Where have you lived most of your life? 

im 19 y.o now. i've lived in indo for 18+ years so INDOOOO

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? 

like never. lol batam is too small to drive for a long time and i don't have a driver's license here

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? 

no. 

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?
it's such a waste of TP i'd rather use it to wipe my butt. 

62: Who do you text the most? 

my bebes

63: What was the last movie you saw? 

disney's brave. online. cos im that cheap. but it was gooood i love their accent! lol

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

idk dude im single. but what kind of question is that??? like. wtf. 

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? 

zero nil nol 0 yong ling. 

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? 

i kissed a girl and i liked it, it tasted like cherry chapstick~ too bad i kissed no one.

67: Do you curse around your parents? 

no. i only curse when i'm writing stuff online. i don't really curse much irl. 

68: Are you happy with where you live? 

yes and no. well my apt is nice and stuff but damn do i hate the weather here.

69: Do you collect anything? 

i collect other people's tears and blood lol. no. my attention span is too short for me to be able to successfully collect stuff.

70: What’s your favourite colour?
currently it's every shade of blue, mint and turquoise *i hate spelling turquoise tho*

71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone?

i'm listening to BtoB's Imagine.. i hardly listen to that song tho so no one pops up haha

72: Has anyone ever cheated on you? 

nope 

73: What are your plans for tomorrow? 

writing papers ;__; and boba with emily. yay

74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? 

no. i'll be 21 before my siblings tho ;A; im the eldest *cries*

75: Does your last ex have a job? 

/)__-

76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship?
i would be all like "I HAVE AN EX????" lol

77: Where is your cellphone? 

right in between my laptop and specs

78: What colour is your cellphone? 

white with a purple case

79: What did you dream of last night? 

mishmash of stuff. i remember isey, iew bebe, zico and zelo? idk. i rmember zico saying zi-a-co. i was like wtf. 

80: Are you atheist? 

lemme tell u something. i just found out that there's no such thing as "God" in Buddhism. only in Indonesian Buddhism can we find God cos Indonesia is a monotheist country. so. i'm kinda lost too. but. idk. i survived all these years and no has called me a "pagan" while dragging me out of my house by the hair yet, so. i'm good. i'm very good. haha.

81: Will you change your name when you get married? 

like, change my last name or? idk. i like my current name.

82: Are you ready for autumn weather? 

no. i'm never ready for cold weather.

83: Have you had any big storms recently?

like literal storms or /storms/? 

84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing?

jeggings lmao. i love jeggings, go ahead and judge me lol.

so yeah that's 84Qs yay. 

it has been raining the whole day. grey skies~ and im getting a headache yay. brb imma kill someone. 

i don't know, lately there has been so much angst going on my twitter timeline i feel like hitting those people in their face or crotch or boobs, whichever hurts the most. i feel like oh god someone stop them. 

and i just found out that i have a pet peeve for love quotes. wait, i take that back. i have a pet peeve for quotes of any kind. i just. ugh. stop reading those stupid quotes that dictates how you have to behave and tells you what is a "perfect" guy or girl or human. just. be yourself. stop letting people use words to control your head. or maybe you should. then it will be easier for me to mess around your head in the future. hmm... yeaaah. it makes my job easier. i mean, world domination by quotes! lolol i'm straying so far, so, so, far....

but yeah. the amount of angst on my timeline is just ohgod i forgot what word im going to use lmao. 

yeah i mean. i dont know, maybe i lost something called "sympathy". lol. but yeah. idk. i just. sigh. why am i like this? i mean, i feel like such a bitch but then again i can't help myself. i mean, STOP READING LOVE QUOTES!!!!!! just. listen to yourself. stop listening to what society tells you. the "perfect" guy or girl is not supposed to be what the society thinks is "perfect" for you. it's supposed to be your own definition of "perfection". go ahead and just open your eyes and fall in love with any type of person you want. 

ugh okay enough of the rants. my headache is getting worse ><

annyeong♡

happy birthday kris wu, kevin li, wufan, ken, my own version of perfection

oh god what was going through your divine head when you made kris...
what did you use to make his body? and what did you use to make his soul?

well that is if there's actually something called soul in a kris.

so yeah it's my "kris birthday post" lol
it's kinda late cos it's already nov 7th back in korea.but it's still nov 6th here so yeah haha.

and because i'm making this post so late here are pics of kris, that you've all probably have seen

i have absolutely no comment.. the first thing that went through my head when i saw the pic was "what the actual fuck kris" 
okay for those who are new, that plushie is kris' adopted son, Ace. yeah and his mom is some fangirl who gave him to kris so yeah. i can't believe that some fans ship kris and ace...

i don't know. i'm always confused when it comes to kris. i don't know if i hate or love him more. or maybe the more i hate him the more i love him too? i don't know. maybe that's why i'm attracted to him. he's confusing. there's always something new to him. 

his birthday message is just so cheesy, stupid but so sweet he makes me want to cry haha. 

i know there's already a translated one made by merrykris but yeah i'm gonna translate it myself for the sake of my readers[?] lol. this is kris' birthday message translation by @deadjellyfish leggo~

" darlings
how are you? i'm doing good.
(i am) not good at writing, and have bad handwriting, but i have a talent for drawing 
[picture of dragon]

i prepared to type a love letter to every single one of you that i love,
entering fall/autumn days, the weather is getting colder... you have to keep warm ^^

a few years back, on this day, i would be staying at home because of the cold weather
i would then hang out with a few friends or spend this day which belongs to me and my mom alone. 
i dont need to explain the reason why i couldn't spend it with my mom (this time) (i omitted around 50-100 words here^^) [<-kris i="i" said="said" that="that">

the reason i stayed at home is because i'm a koala, oh no, i meant my nickname is "koala".
so i have to rest when the weather is cold, yep (haha)
i think i'm starting to stray from the topic, this is supposed to be written for you, why do i always end up speaking about myself.

it's because of you that this ordinary day became so warm, special, and not just warm and special but very meaningful. it's meaningful and at the same time so touching. (i think i omitted around... 1000 words^^)
these two words, "thank you", may be simple but clear, i want to shout "THANK YOU" to every single one of you who loves me, likes me, and those who are going to fly with me in the future.

my goddesses, my angels, and the 凡親[kris' relatives/family] that are not complicated(ordinary?) yet special[i think that's what 不繁亦不凡 means] (凡親=my[kris] family/relatives) forgive me at the times when i'm helpless[/ when i can't do anything]
the amount of things that i can do for you is so limited, yet you did so many things for me
so if you will, please allow me to bring you happiness and joy at the possible and limited time that i have.

Kris
2012.11.06"


i would just like to take a minute to appreciate our lovely kris wu's talent for drawing. i just. look at that dragon. look carefully and you will see a 5th leg at the dragon's butt~ hahahahaha i don't know if it's supposed to be a leg or a tail. but kris seems to like to draw legs like that.
and that fluffy wing. kris. i really love you haha. i think that's the only thing i can say.. your talent for drawing, is exceptional lol. i just want to thank kris' kindergarten teacher and his parents for letting him express his talent so freely that he still has that amazing amount of confidence towards his art talent~ which would be a pity if he had hidden it from us fans lol. 
i also think that's it's an SM thing, this talent for art. haha. yunho and kim jjong showed similar talents lol


if i had to list out everything i love about our mr. kris wu, i would have to skip classes. 

let's start from when it all begins~ 

i think i've mentioned this before, but i never really paid any attention to kris in early exo days. i absolutely did not get how some people went crazy over his looks. i just thought that his face is really uncoordinated. i mean everything on his face is shouting for attention, it's like there's no part to focus on. you would start from his really thick and intimidating eyebrows, to his intense eyes, sharp nose, little pouty lips. but when you try to look at his face as a whole it's just a mismatch of things haha. 
but the moment i fell for kris was that moment when i saw him smile for the first time. there's just something in his smile, i don't know if it's the way his eyes crinkle, or the way his lips curved up, or how gummy his smile is. i have a thing for gummy smiles. it's just so cute. but i think it's because it's the first time i see the real him, his real emotions, in contrast of the usual cool image that he had been showing in the teasers and MVs. 

another thing i love about kris is his confidence. he has this aura that's really authoritative and i have a feeling that the people around him would be willing to be ordered around by him. i personally really like people that has this type of aura. it's like he had some sort of confidence and control over his own life. it is very very very attractive. maybe because i like control, that's why it's so attractive to me. 

and his love for his fans,
you can see from the way he smiles and almost poses for the fans' cameras. i don't care if some people think he's just "doing his job" or "he's just acting for the sake of his job". i personally think some expressions cannot be faked, and i'd be able to spot a fake one once i see it. i can see how some days the boys are really really happy when they were at the airport. their smiles look different. x 

kris' sense of fashion is impeccable. it's perfect in every way possible. and combined with that body that he's blessed with, it's just so perfect that it hurts at times haha.
i've lost count at how many times i felt like melting into a puddle at the look of his airport fashion. i loved almost every piece of clothing he wore off stage. shirts, sweaters, jackets, outerwear of every kind. yes. outerwears. kris has a collection of the most amazing outerwears i've ever seen. i just want to know where he buys his clothes. i really do. or maybe i just want his fashion sense. i want to be reborn as someone like him in my next life pls, kami-sama

but all in all the thing i love about our kris wu, kevin li, living ken, wu yifan, li jiaheng, 吳皇 
is the way he treats other people. the way he put every single one of the people that means a lot to him in his heart. he might try to hide it, but it's so obvious at times. i like the way his eyes sparkle when he was interacting with the kid on that chinese show, guoguo. felt like he really wanted a son too.. maybe that's why he adopted Ace??? 

hahahaha okay i have no idea. but yeah. 



i am feeling quite unwell right now... my feels have depleted so much i have no energy to write anything :(
so i have to cut this post short.... i feel bad. but.. i need to study for my stats exam too. 
i'll probably be back in a few days... 

if i don't come back after a few days it's probably because my academic death has caused serious damage to my life and i am reconsidering my life priorities.... sorry people. 





annyeong♡
 just remember that i love you 
and i'm kinda exaggerating, don't worry im not dying