a daily dose of nonsense

i dont know whats going on but i feel like im missing something

i dont feel like doing anything which is going to end so badly for me

but damn i really dont feel like doing anything.

i am so done with myself.

and with everything else.

i dont know. it just feels like everything is so off track!

this semester. sucks. already.

maybe my brain has already caught onto something that my consciousness havent.

im just a little bit slow like that.

i just hope that

things will get better as this semester goes.

i miss my parents a lot. already.

or maybe... always.


lately...

i really felt like i want to date.

someone.

but when i think about it

i dont think it's a good time for me to actually date

when all i want is to date

i dont know...

i just think it's not the time yet.

i am not ready

it would be unfair to the other person

to get stuck with a needy girl who doesnt know what she wants

i dont want to break people's hearts.

that's just mean.

i guess im just really lonely these days...

it always gets to me when people ask me

hey are you dating anyone right now

because

hey i never dated before and

i dont think i will be in a while.

i never had it so i cant say i dont like it

even when there's someone i like

i never really know

whether i really like that person

or it's just because im lonely

and that person makes me less lonely

and a bit more happy

inside

or maybe

that is enough

to have a person who makes you feel happy

every single day

maybe.





what is this you ask me

i will tell you

i dont even know

but one thing i know

is that im not exactly happy right now

but

i'll make it through like i always do

and i always will do

i will make myself feel happy.

:)

i apologize. well not really sorry but yeah. hey everyone

hey everyone! so yeah i havent been writing a lot these days. by days, i mean weeks and even months maybe. my last post was dated in may but i actually wrote 2 different posts on june and july but i just never posted them cos, well, they're just rants. like they're just basically me, turning really really angry about something and go on a word vomit as usual and i make you guys read it lol. i am a bad blog owner. i do know that lol

so during summer break i went back home in indo! AGAIN! i know! for 2 and a half months! aaaand... it was a very very unproductive summer. i am sorry to say, but i did nothing during that 2 and a half months besides hanging out with all my friends.

before summer actually happened, a lot of my friends in davis were sorta expecting something exciting to happen to me (read: they expect me get myself a boyfriend) but nahh that didnt happen. like, first of all, i see no reason to get myself a boyfriend who's gonna be back in INDO! i do not like being in long distance relationships.
okay fine, i never dated before, how would i know. but hello, im in a bunch of long distance "relationships" with my friends back at home and it sucks. it does. especially when one of them goes missing. i personally get really paranoid and start to worry if i dont hear anything from my friends from a long period of time. i also dont want them to think i forgot them lol. 
so yeah based on that experience, i just decided im not the type who can do long distance anything, at least not with my really really really short span of attention. i get distracted all the time by almost everything. i might get distracted by another guy ya know lolol. plus i am a skinship monster. i cannot keep my hands to myself. i'd need to have a physical body to cuddle with, unless my "boyfriend" wouldnt mind me cuddling with some other people lol. 
so yeah that's my two cents on long distance bf-gf. big no no for me i guess lol.

but yeah i got to hang out with a lot of my friends and "rekindled" our old love lol. i guess i had a lot of fun back at home. one thing im not really happy about is probably the fact that i didnt get to spend as much time with my parents. i mean you'd think living in the same house means more time together but that's not the case lol. they're so busy, then im busy with my friends. i feel bad. 

and i got to actually spend time with my family's outdoor cat! his name is winter. people kept on complaining that the name is a bit to the feminine side but whatever it suits him. i mean i always feel like it fits him cos his personality is as cold as winter..... but then it's just my really really lame sense of humor. i do wonder if winter actually misses me.. idk. i can never ever know what my cat thinks. like he'll like rub his face all over me and then when i try to reach out and touch him, he'll be like NOOOOOOPE. and im just waaat. okay maybe i dont get cats at all. but by the end of summer he was willing to actually sleep on my lap so that's a big improvement i guess. yeah cos i bribed him with cat food. lol 
i actually miss him so much. my friends wont be happy to hear that lol. cat >>> them

lemme find a picture of winter lol

so there you have it. my cat. my baby. sleeping while his human takes photos of him lol. i could never refer myself as his owner, he obviously thinks he owns me....

and that's me! now you know how i look. haha. i dont know if anyone even bothers to read till this part to actually see this pic but whatever, winter looks so handsome here, even when he's sleeping lol i dont even know why but i really think winter looks soooo good. winter babe, if you fight less with the neighborhood cat, you might be reborn into a good looking human. lolol go for it cat!


so yeah im back in davis now. small college town in california~
school has started already and yay i survived the first week. not without any incidents tho. i missed my first lab of the semester cos i overslept. wow good job jane. not a good way to start the semester tbh. i feel like im in such deep shit right now. the professor won't even reply my email. im just sad. i probably deserve it tho so.. okay fine. i will accept your cold shoulder professor.

but yeah besides that everything went smoothly i guess. but dang, davis is tooooo hot i cant wait for summer to end... but then when it gets too cold i'll complain too. i dont know what i want...... im sorry. haha.

am also getting new housemates for the new school year so fingers crossed. i hope i get along with them!! >< 
i also still owe one of my friend an electronic love letter a.k.a the birthday posts i usually write here in my blog. so yeah better get to it before it gets too late~! i wish someone would write me a love letter too lol. cut the cheese a bit maybe.. or just lay it thick so that i die from all the cheese.  

im debating whether i should put more pictures of myself on this blog.. tbh im kinda worried about showing my face or personal info here, cos i write without beta-ing or filtering my brain. so once again i am truly very sorry if i offended some people who are reading this. i did not intend to do that and please call me out if you think i offended you in some way. i really appreciate it when people point out my mistakes so thanks!


and honestly, i went through a diet program during my summer break in indo. im not very proud of it, haha, cos i used to be sooooo anti diet programs, but after actually doing it i guess im okay with it? i dont know. im still not very big into the whole diet scheme but i do feel a bit better losing a bit of the extra fat i have. i still think that i am too superficial for my own good. i guess its because of the way im brought up as a kid. i dont know. i've talked about this soooo many times, how insecure i was growing up, and the point is, i was not insecure because the other kids made fun of me, i was insecure because of the adults and their "critics". i feel like i grew up in an environment that promotes a certain beauty standard, and because i was different, i failed to "follow" that standard and it turned into an insecurity that still continues today.. 
i probably never told anyone about this, but sometimes i really really hate some girls just because they are "perfect" according to that specific beauty standard that i was brought up with. sometimes i feel bad about it but i just couldnt stop myself. then i'll feel like such a hypocrite. like oh i hate them but dang i would really want to be like them. 
i rarely thought about losing weight in the health aspect. i just want the beauty beauty and beauty. i want compliments. i want people to like me. maybe i want people to hate me too. i dont know. i feel like im always torn between hating people who compliments me for my outer beauty and wanting people to compliment me all the time for simply anything. ((this is turning into a rant)) i need to stop this. haha.

but yeah. i hope i can stop being superficial. and just like myself without hating on other people to make myself feel better. i want to be happy. i hope you guys find your happiness as well :D



annyeong ♡

this probably will be another word vomit post
but im crying right now. i dont even know why. i dont even want to know why.
sometimes my subconscious knows things far earlier than my awareness does. i get left behind by my brain. 

last class of the semester today. 
im both sad and glad that this semester is over. 

sad because im parting with my lecturers this semester. tbh i rly rly enjoyed philosophy. kurt is a good lecturer. i would take all of his class if only he doesnt teach philosophy hahaha. but srsly he's a cool guy and very very fun to talk to. 
then prof Arack. he's totally the grandpa style lecturer haha. super helpful with my paper writing process and he tries super hard to make us focus in class cos we all know his materials are super super dry and boring. it's just how research methods is. dry. and technical. haha.
then my anthro lecturer, Wynn. she's really into what she's teaching. a tough lady. got me rly into anthropology tbh. i might minor in it haha.
and ofc dr. T~ i like his classes so much im taking biopsyc with him next semester. i just hope i can survive it hue.

glad this semester is over.
because. I AM A MESS. my head is a big damn mess. my life is a mess. my bathroom is a mess. my bedroom is a mess. my apt is a mess. my whole existence is a big mess. 
i just need a break to straighten things up.
i seriously did not have a single. not A SINGLE. full weekend to myself. to grab hold of all the loose ends in my head. i just keep on chucking things everywhere. the things inside my head and outside my head. i need help.
i need to start meditating again. i just need a hug so so bad right now. 
i shld install a pacemaker in my life. someone invent that thing pls.

i just hope nothing will change between my friends during my time at indo.
humans are too fickle. well i am fickle too. 
i feel like everything is slipping away from me tho.
jeff said time will reveal it all. true colors. what is my true color? 
i feel like im constantly changing my mindset every single day as i learn more things in class. but lately i feel as if im getting a bit too arrogant. arrogance is a sign of ignorance. i should cultivate myself~ 
what have i become what have i become. i have become an ignorant little piece of shit hahahha. why am i even laughing. i just want to go back home home home and sleep in my cozy bed. and maybe think about life. and act like a little princess in front of my parents. i miss home.


heh
i'll be fine
we'll be fine jane


annyeong♡

hey people.
im not dead in case you're wondering. i mean. im not even sure that i still have readers. 
my post that has the highest views is still exo's ideal type. srsly is anyone still into exo lol

so quick updates.

im going back to indo in less than a month.
my dad told me i look like i haven't lost any weight i gained when i went back last winter break, which is true. SO
i challenged myself to stop drinking boba in one month. that also includes other drinks such as starbucks drinks. i only drink their green tea fraps lol. im a loser i don't drink coffee. also includes soda. which is not that hard, i dont drink much soda to begin with. soda is bad. it's negative energy in a can lol. no it's just sugar but. still. 
and i have to cut off snacks too. so no snak saks for a month. im sad. i kept on sneaking a piece every now and then. 
but still no boba for a month. we can do this.
finals is in 2 weeks. i am so not ready for it. but i dont remember being ready for anything so. we'll be fine.
found myself caught in a position where a bunch of ppl are telling me to date.. i dont even know how i got into this mess in the first place. it's not that i dont want to date but the circumstances are so not making things work for me. so maybe no. i think im sliding into "comfortable-land" sorry. but i dont think anything exciting will happen soon lol. maybe i just dont want to date yet? idk im in a weird phase with all my friends. somehow feeling as if im just doing the "picking the lesser evil" thingy with all my friends. recently i found out that i just hate everybody lol. tumblr, what have you done to me. 
may has been a little bit crazy. even tho it's barely the second week of may. 
in one week i gave out 3 different types of cards for 3 different occasion: a birthday, a wedding and a funeral. 
a crazy crazy beginning of the month that i did not expect.
the card that was sent to the funeral, it was for a friend of mine. it was rly hard. really really hard. thinking about it drives me to the wall. i feel like there's a knot in my throat. 
the first thing i felt was disbelief. no it's not true. how can it be true. this is a sick joke. i don't know what to feel. then when it hit me. it was like a slap, it hurts a lot. thinking about it still makes me want to cry. but i hope she's in a better place now. a place where she would be a lot happier. 
the wedding was nice. the yellow and white theme makes everything looks like the embodiment of spring~

in a nutshell i think i broke myself in the head again. 
and i cant wait to go back to indo to fix myself. 
i just hope nothing major changes with the people here when i go back to indo. 
and pls pls let my new housemate be nice so that i won't attempt to choke her in her sleep. or my sleep.

btw im supposed to be writing my psyc paper now but i dont think it will be happening soon. 
so
bye


annyeong♡ 
ps. did not proof read, read at your own risk. it's just word vomit

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PUPPY-DINO-HYUN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

it's the 8th of april in korea now
and it's our jonghyun's birthday!! 
jonghyun.. i can't believe you're 24(23) this year.
it's almost 5 years since i first saw you on screen and heard your voice and i'm proud to say that i'm very very very glad that i found you and SHINee.

kim jonghyun.
i don't know how to explain how much i love you. you are very very precious to me.
you won't know how much different things i learnt from you.
your beautiful voice, the emotions and passion you put when you're singing, it's amazing.
although you're not the world's greatest dancer, i always love looking at your random little dances. because it's so you. it's so kim jonghyun. silly, fun, energetic, sometimes plain dumb. but i love it. cos it's you. 
i always loved your puppy eyes, your little nose that has uneven nostrils, and your thick bottom lip. you just recently turned buff.. i was surprised haha! are you trying to make up for your lack of height??? hahahha. you suddenly turned all sexy on us too last year! i was shocked, but i gotta admit i'm pleasantly(?) shocked hahaha

i love how you have a really really soft heart. a beautiful heart. and you always put your heart into everything you do. you always feel as if you're not doing enough for the people who loves you, but trust me, kim jonghyun. trust us fans, when we tell you that we can feel how much you love us back. 
it always breaks my heart when i see you cry, but you must know that you look beautiful even when you're crying, cos that's how we all can see your rawest emotions displayed on your face. our crybaby. 
i love how you're always being so obnoxious, sometimes you look like a 5 year old. how you're always making weird expressions, say the weirdest things, do the weirdest stuff.
and how your confidence is just jaw-dropping. always claiming to be the most good-looking member from time to time.  

your amazing amazing sense of humor and impeccable logic that always makes us feel torn between confused and laughing our ass off. my witty witty jonghyun.

my witty yet dumb dumbhyun, even tho you're really witty, you do things that are so dumb yet so endearing i think dumbhyun is one of your nicknames i love the most. together with your jinki hyung, our dumb and dumber duo. haha. 

but even after seeing your obnoxious, dumb, over-confident self, i still know, will always know, that you someone who's thoughtful. and you always love with your whole heart. live with all your passion.


i remember all the times when you were hurt. 
i cried so much every time anything bad happens to you because i'm always worried about how you'll blame yourself. it's not your fault. it never was. things happen. we'll make it through together.

BUT i can't believe you got into an accident a week before your birthday.. my dumbhyun.
please get well soon! we all miss you!!! 

i think every year for your birthday, i always wished that you'll never ever change.
cos kim jonghyun. you are perfect. let me repeat this.
kim jonghyun, you. are. perfect. 
even with all your flaws. because they are not flaws, they are the things that make you our jonghyun.

thank you for teaching me to never give up my dreams. no matter how hard things are.
thank you for teaching me that i have to be brave to choose what i want. to be what i want to be.
thank you for teaching me what passion is. how to be passionate about what i do. 

thank you. for being you. this wonderful, amazing, crazy, lovable, beautiful person.
someone, who i will never ever forget. 

you might never ever ever read this post, kim jonghyun. but it's okay. haha!
i just hope that you'll be able to feel my love for you HAHA.

happy happy birthday. 
please take good care of yourself.
i love you, kim jonghyun. 

♡

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEE

hey sorry for not writing for such a long time
and this post is another dedication for one of my bebe's birthday~~
SHERY BEBE HAPPY 19th BIRHTDAYYY
i know it's kinda late cos your birthday is on the 19th of march but yeah i've been abit busy with schoolwork so i hope you wont mind eheh

yay you're 19 now. you probably blew 20 candles at home as usual.. haha but still you're 1 year younger than me and i don't want to be freaking 21 now. hahaha
bee, i dont know what im going to do with out you! hahaha
you're like my soul mate or something lol. we just think so alike we would laugh for reasons only we know at times haha. plus we basically have the same personality so it's always fun to talk to you cos i dont have to explain much for you to get it. in short, thanks for being there for me!! haha love yaaaa~

so yeah yeah happy happy birthday
i really wish i celebrated it with you~ it's been so long since we celebrated birthdays with each other around~ >< im sad~
i guess this is your first birthday since you got into college right? i bet college friends treated you nicely on your birthday didnt they hahaha
do have more fun with your classmates! they are the ones that make your college experience fun!

for wishes, i hope you can always be healthy and happy. i hope we can both get rid of our eyebags some day *fingers crossed*
i wish you all the best for your college too! hey dont worry too much about the writing stuff, you'll have to do it eventually hahahahah. and i'll always try to help as much as i can!! hahaha so no worries~! plus about your major, just try to figure out what you really like. i mean, it's never too late to change your mind tbh ^^
and i know this might be abit irrelevant but i hope you can last long with ricat. lol. i cant believe you got a guy before me lol. a bit jelly sometimes hahahah you can always tell me if ricat bullies you so i can spam him online and make his life miserable lolol. *winkwink at ricat lol*


i dont really know what else to say cos we basically text each other every other day haha
just hope that we can meet up soon! come over some time haha during summer~ we can explore california together yo. dont complain about the long plane ride, drag someone with you! hahaha

and oh. cos i cant rly give you any presents i'll just do a mini pic spam??

your little devil xiaolu

and all time fave lee jaejin!


so happy happy (belated) birthday bebe


♡

60 more questions that you seem to like...?

hey people~ i survived thursday's 2 psyc exams... although i might not get desirable scores for the second exam but... what else can i do about it. 
ofc now it's time to answer questions again... my fave fave fave!
let's go!

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
>> eheh.. don't judge my music lol

1.I'm in Love with the HERO - SNSD

2.I'm the Best - 2NE1

3.Fuck Cockroachez - RunchRanda, Nacseo(Block B's zico's underground name?)

4.Wedding Veil - Lee Seunggi

5.비가 오는 날엔 - B2ST

6.친구잖아 - Lee Seunggi

lol at the lee seunggi song's popping out..... i never really listened to those songs

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
>> hmm. tbh this is stupid but i really really want to meet kris. idek why. ugh i feel so stupid right now... 

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. 

>> " occur?" "What is the causal relationship between X and Y?" " 

4) What do you think about most? 

>> lately all i've been thinking about is how to improve my skin condition... i dont want to get a wrinkly face at 25. 

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? 

>> hmm yeah.. actually a friend of mine wrote a song for me.. about me going back home during winter break. lol. it was weird in a good way tbh. check him out in soundcloud.. https://soundcloud.com/dwikiheryadi 

and this is the song about me -> https://soundcloud.com/dwikiheryadi/jane-is-back

6) Do you have any strange phobias? 

>> i dont think i have any phobias.. and even if i do it wont be strange enough to be considered strange..

7) What's your religion?
>> hmm.. i prefer to be discreet about this haha. 

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

>> walking around~ shopping? haha

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
>> boyband~ lol SHINee! hahaha

10) What was the last lie you told?
>> i don't remember my lies....

11) Do you believe in karma? 

>> yep~ what goes around comes around? haha. 

12) What does your URL mean? 

>> it just means a sea of jellyfishes.. i'm very very obsessed with jellyfishes. they're beautiful hahaha

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
>> weakness? i have a very weak willpower.. aaand fear is my biggest weakness. as for strength, i think my ability to just act like nothing's wrong? idk. hahaha. 

14) Who is your celebrity crush? 

>> erm i have a lot... park chanyeol is one of them. and simon park, and kim jonghyun and lee jinki haha

15) How do you vent your anger? 

>> i usually lie on the bed, curled up with my blankets and all and be angry and cry. i cant really throw tantrums anymore these days...... im sad. growing up sucks yo!

16) Do you have a collection of anything? 

>> shoes. haha. not really. hmm SHINee's albums?

17) Are you happy with the person you've become?

>> not really but i am embracing the person i am. 

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? 

>> hate the sound of my alarm in the morning haha. and i love the sound nature makes tbh. i really like the feeling of sitting on the grass and just do nothing and listen to the sound of trees rustling in the wind and stuff like those haha

19) What's your biggest "what if"? 

>> what if i have a superb S-line figure. LOOOOL it's just an obsession of mine lolol ignore me

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
>> hmm i think i do. for both. haha. im an alien resident myself~ lol. 

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. 

>>my physical anthro textbook loool. left arm -> my back pack haha

22) Smell the air. What do you smell? 

>> i smell my lotion lol

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? 

>> i don't really think there are "bad places"....

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

>> kim jonghyun is very very attractive hahahaha. adam levine? 

25) To you, what is the meaning of life? 

>> woah. this is hard. the "meaning" of life. can i skip this?

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? 

>> used to, but i havent drove in 2 years.. haha people have crashed into me for too many times i just. sigh... 

27) What was the last movie you saw? 

>> identity thief! watched it last night with my friends haha. it was a good one!

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
>> hmm. probably a super huge bruise on my shin.. idk. never had rly big injuries and i hope i won't have any!

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
>> "have you ever stopped obsessing" is a more accurate question.. im obsessed with a variety of things and people haha

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
>> i think so. but i think it was about something trivial. i prefer to stay under the radar~

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 

>> i probably wont hold the grudge but i'll remember the mistake lol

32) What is your astrological sign?
>> pisces

33) What's the last thing you purchased?
>> watermelon juice cocktail yay

34) Love or lust? 

>> love?

35) In a relationship?
>> not in a romantic relationship atm haha

36) How many relationships have you had?
>> ohoho 0! zero. nil. im too nerdy for relationships?

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
>> hmm... idk. to like me as a friend or? 

38) Where is your best friend?
>> i have a lot of best friends and they are everywhere. NO PLAYING FAVORITES LOL

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 

>> probably sleeping.. too tired!

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? 

>> yep~

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? 

>> save the dog. i think i can live even after getting fired, but i'll be guilty all my life if i knew i let a dog die when i could've saved it.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? 

>> a) i'll tell some people i guess. i feel like suddenly leaving would be really really hurting for some people. b) i don't know.. i imagine i'd be devastated for the first few days. and probably just shut myself in my room. idk. c) i think i'd be more sad than afraid, but i would still be afraid.

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
>> SHINee's A-Yo.. that song has always made me feel better when i feel like i'm falling apart. 

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? 

>> trust, communication and skinship lol but i like skinship too much hahahah

45) How can I win your heart?
>> look at me when you talk to me, try communicating with me using your eyes, im a huge sucker for that haha. and be attentive. and just be nice in general lol. it's easy to win my heart haha

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
>> what's creativity without a bit of insanity? haha

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
>> single best? idk. i don't really have a best decision haha

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
>> will i even get a tombstone? probably my name and some shit my family members want to put there. idk i wld already be dead, why would i care

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."
>> 2pm's heartbeat lol. orz but it really was the first thing that popped up. listen to my heartbeat~ 

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
>> blue, mint

51) What is your current desktop picture? 

>> a b/w pic of jjong being sexy and all for hommes

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? 

>> kris LOL no. i love him too much haha. idk. i don't like making people explode

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? 

>> idk hahaha a lot. 

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? 

>> ability to be invisible~ haha. like the girl from fantastic four hahaha

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? 

>> i'd like to relive the time when i'm the happiest.. i can't seem to remember..

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
>> being lost. or the time i was insulted about my body. i want my confidence back yo!

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? 

>> sleep? like sleep - sleep? or "sleep"? haha im thinking too much. but i'd love to cuddle up in bed with either park chanyeol or kris. heh

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? 

>> home. haha. 

59) Ever been on a plane?
>> yep~ i flew here yo.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

>> hottest? hmm. kim jonghyun, choi sooyoung, kim jongin, hugh jackman lol, robert downey jr. hahahahha im so done. can i add johnny depp? lol. idk anymore

sigh my laptop screen is so dirty..

annyeong♡

just because..... 50Q!

hi... im supposed to be either sleeping or studying for my psyc tests but no. i chose to come here and answer random questions just bcos i can. yes. my willpower is so damn weak im either gonna bomb the exams or bomb the exams. 
beware.. these are super short and random answers....... ((im so done with myself))


1: What are you wearing?
>> my pajamas~

2: Ever been in love?
>> yes. probably. but then again maybe not haha

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?
>> how to end when there's no start?

4: How tall are you?
>>i think im 172 cm. idk i havent measured myself in so many years ide.

5: How much do you weigh?
>> ahahhaha NO

6: Any tattoos do you want?
>> although i love looking at tattoos, im not a big fan of tattoo on MY body

7: Any piercings that you want?
>> maybe more piercings on my ear... idk. i always get allergic reactions from earrings tho :(

8: OTP?
>> jjongkey, dumb and dumber jongyu, kaisoo, sekai, krisyeol, hunhan, lukai, baekyeol, jongho, onkey, krisica ((笑)), hmm idk who else..... i have too many otp it's like manyTP

9: Favorite Show?
>> hmm running man? idk hahaha

10: Favorite bands?
>> haha boybands i assume.. shinee. lol. 

11: Something you miss?
>> home! well the comfort of home. im a princess at home ((sigh))

12: Favorite song?
>> hmm.. cant choose one ><

13: How old are you?
>> gonna be freaking 20 this year ohgosh i dont want to be 20!!!

14: Zodiac sign?
>> pisces yo

15: Hair Color?
>> black as black as coal as black as the black hole.

16: Favorite Quote?
>> "too cute to watch, too wild to touch" - Key
HAHAHAH jk. idk. but i really like that phrase.

17: Favorite singer?
>> too many to mention yo

18: Favorite color?
>> blue? mint? pink? <- a="" about="" but="" few="" font="" i="" not="" own="" pink="" quite="" realize="" so...="" stuff="" sure="" the="">

19: Loud music or soft?
>> depends on mood but i usually like it soft haha

20: Where do you go when you're sad?
>> into the toilet. or to a corner on the floor in ma room

21: How long does it take you to shower?
>> the shower is usually less then 10 mins, but the prep before and after takes waaaay too long

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
>> 30-40 mins?

23: Ever been in a physical fight?
>> nope we lady keep it classy. but yeah i fought with my lil bro before lol

24: Turn on?
>> someone who's clean and smells nice and has really nice shoes or backpack and maybe really cute smile haha

25: Turn off?
>> stinky stinky LOL idk. haha i cant tolerate nasty smells haha

26: The reason I joined Tumblr?
>> AHAHHAHA for oppars ofc. lol. 

27: Fears?
>> im afraid of being left out.

28: Last thing that made you cry?
>> wyf that stupid koala. and shinee's tteonaji mothae

29: Last time you cried?
>> yesterday?

30: Meaning behind your url
>> i just like jellyfishes

31: Last book you read?
>> cognitive psychology. ;A;

32: Last song you listened to?
>> SHINee's Spoiler

33: Last show you watched?
>> SHINHWA BROADCAST ft SNSD. shinhwa broadcast always always makes me laugh!

34: Last person you talked to?
>> probably em or jen.. i think it was jen

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
>> cousin! 

36: Favorite food?
>> sushi! undeniable. i ate sushi 5x in 4 weeks~

37: Place you want to visit?
>> hmm.. london? and korea lol idk why i want to go but yeah. maybe florence, italy too?

38: Last place you were?
>> bathroom? campus?

39: Do you have a crush?
>> i dont think so haha

40: Last time you kissed someone?
>> HAHAHAH

41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?
>> i dont remember i have not  been insulted for a very long time

42: What color underwear are you wearing?
>> HAHAHAHHA white with a bit of lace lol. 

43: What color shirt are you wearing?
>> light blue

44: What color bottoms are you wearing?
>> dark blue lol

45: Wearing any bracelets?
>> nope

46: Last sport you played?
>> hahahhah i dont remember orz

47: Last song you sang?
>> SHINee's dream girl lol

48: Last prank call you remember doing?
>> im not good at pranks lol

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?
>> with ji earlier hehe

50: Favorite movie?
>> idk. potc? hahaha idk dont make me choose~


okay good night people! im sure im going to regret this tmr but idk anymore

囧

每次想起他時，心裡總是覺得很沈重。。。
世界上怎麼會有像他的人。
很想把他抱緊在懷裡，永遠都不放開。
雖然他很高大，卻很想保護他。每次都是他替別人著想。。 

難道你不知道你有多麼重要嗎？

爛好人。。。
你真的是一個爛好人！
你太好了。。。 我看了都會心疼。
真是的。你。 
很想跑到你面前揍你一兩下。
不要再當爛好人了。。好嗎？
我知道你純粹想讓大家高興。
可是這樣下去真的很危險。
求求你，至少一次，也為自己著想吧。

請你照顧好自己吧。
被你拒絕一次就恨你的飯，你不要也罷了。
你拒絕他們，我相信他們也會理解你。
別擔心！ 大家都會一直愛著你的！

sigh..... 
tell me how to not love you when you're basically the epitome of perfection.
tell me how to not hate you when you're basically taking yourself so lightly while you try to please everybody else.
tell me why your strength is also your absolute weakness.

how am i supposed to keep myself from loving you.
loving everything that's you.
everything that reminds me of you.
you.


sometimes i think you're an idiot. 
but then again maybe i'm the one who's stupid.


i can't believe i'm ranting about you again. i hate you.




heh stupid koala. kw kl wyf
/claws face/


annyeong囧

it's valentine's day yo~

hey people~ it's valentine's day~ 

so yeah i'm gonna answer a list of stupid questions about valentine's day~ 

leggo

1. Who was your first kiss and what was it like?

>> eheh. it my first kiss... has not happened yet so. yeah. sorry about that lol. omg i'm gonna bomb this questionnaire lol

2. Are you in a relationship? If so, are you happy?
>> nope.. but i'm happy! haha.

3. Do you have a crush?
>> i'm not sure if it's a crush or a stalk-target... i think i forgot how to crush anymore HAHA it's so sad.

4. Who is your crush?

>> okay because i don't have a crush i'm gonna write about my stalk-target then. he's a guy i met last summer on the bus... he had this ridiculously cute bed head at that time and he's constantly wearing his aviators and caps. and his orange backpack. plus he looks like DMNT's Simon.... like. yeah. hahaha. 

5. Are you a virgin?

>> AHAH YESSEUUU

6. What do you think of Valentine's Day?
>> it's abit annoying because of people who complains about not having a bf/gf on v-day but if i get chocolate i have no complaints. lolol

7. Who is your Valentine?

>> eheh. my friends here lol. 

8. Have you ever asked anyone out?
>> hmm.. i don't really think so..?

9. Who is your celebrity crush?

>> kim jjonghyun, jinki, jung yonghwa, bang yongguk, kim jongin, and a bunch of others. god i love those boys hahahha

10. Has anyone ever asked you out and you turned them down?

>> hmm i think so. cos i don't think the guy was serious. or maybe i was afraid that he was serious? idk it's too long ago lol

11. Do you think anyone has a crush on you right now?
>> i dont think so... if there is one, i wish they would be more obvious about it. by more, i mean like VERY VERY obvious~

12. What is your favorite thing to do on Valentine's Day?
>> share chocolate with my friends and probably spot for weird confessions lol

13. What's the best Valentine's Day that you've had so far?

>> hmm. im indifferent about Valentine's Day so.... it's 11/12.. which means it's all quite similar.

14. What's your idea of a perfect date?

>> you mean a date as in a person or a "date" date? for a person, there's no perfect date... but for a "date" date, i think a perfect one is one which i can just relax and have conversations with my date partner. i don't like fast paced dates... i like conversations haha

15. How do you know when you're in love?

>> hmm... im not sure.. maybe when my brain goes crazy on me. and all i can think about is that person? idk. it sounds more like an infatuation to me lol. 

16. Have you ever loved someone on a romantic level?

>> aha hard question lol. maybe no? im never that serious before haha

17. Do you prefer more or less clingy relationships?

>> i think i'll be a clingy person... but i want space. i dont know haha. maybe a clingy one. just not the crazy clingy one. i would still like some days for myself... my zen(??) time haha. okay my alone time~

18. Do you feel like you're loved on an everyday basis?

>> hmm sort of haha. my bebes always love me hahaha

19. Are you usually the first person to make a move.
>> nope~ im passive-aggressive lol i mean. passive. 

20. Have you ever asked someone out and they turned you down?

>> nope~ or yes. cos they were busy.... haha

21. Do you feel like you're the dumpee or dumper most of the time?

>> i feel like im a dumpster, i catch those who people dumps and make them feel like they belong lol.

22. What's your "type"?

>> hmm. the attentive type. and smart. haha i don't know but intellect is very very attractive. i want someone who's open in his views.. he can have conservative views but he won't force me to have the same views as him. 

and you won't want to get me started with physical appearance cos i like a lot of things and i change my mind every 5 minutes. haha

23. What are some of your favorite physical characteristics for your crush to have?

>> he has to be taller than me. i want to put my head on his shoulder not his head. weight, can be dealt later, i don't expect much cos there's not much to expect from me tbh. a bright smile would be nice, and im totally a dimple person haha. 

24. Are you a hopeless romantic?

>> i think so hahaha

25. Do you think that you're a good kisser?
>> i don't know, cos i have no supporting evidence for that hypothesis..... so i cannot conclude anything about my kisses hahhaa

26. What's the farthest that you've ever gone?

>> america? lol. hmm.. okay idk i never even started yet, how far can i be?

27. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

>> i dont think so... i never got any letters from any secret admirers 

28. Have you ever been someone's secret admirer?

>> yes i think so.. but i tend to be more obvious these days lol

29. Do you have romantic fantasies? If so, what are they like and who is in them?

>> ehehehehe you don't have to know about my "fantasies" lololol

30. What's something that always turns you on?

>> hmm... i don't know tbh...... hahahha 

okay so that's my answers for the valentine edition of random Q&A~ 

i'm addicted to answering questions....

i hope you guys had a good time on valentine's day, single or not. i had fun eating chocolate haha~ am going to hang out with friends tonight so, i think it's a good way to spend valentine's day. 

btw i saw a japanese movie called helter skelter~ i think it will be really interesting..

i'll write about it once i watch it haha~

annyeong♡