so during summer break i went back home in indo! AGAIN! i know! for 2 and a half months! aaaand... it was a very very unproductive summer. i am sorry to say, but i did nothing during that 2 and a half months besides hanging out with all my friends.
before summer actually happened, a lot of my friends in davis were sorta expecting something exciting to happen to me (read: they expect me get myself a boyfriend) but nahh that didnt happen. like, first of all, i see no reason to get myself a boyfriend who's gonna be back in INDO! i do not like being in long distance relationships.
okay fine, i never dated before, how would i know. but hello, im in a bunch of long distance "relationships" with my friends back at home and it sucks. it does. especially when one of them goes missing. i personally get really paranoid and start to worry if i dont hear anything from my friends from a long period of time. i also dont want them to think i forgot them lol.
so yeah based on that experience, i just decided im not the type who can do long distance anything, at least not with my really really really short span of attention. i get distracted all the time by almost everything. i might get distracted by another guy ya know lolol. plus i am a skinship monster. i cannot keep my hands to myself. i'd need to have a physical body to cuddle with, unless my "boyfriend" wouldnt mind me cuddling with some other people lol.
so yeah that's my two cents on long distance bf-gf. big no no for me i guess lol.
but yeah i got to hang out with a lot of my friends and "rekindled" our old love lol. i guess i had a lot of fun back at home. one thing im not really happy about is probably the fact that i didnt get to spend as much time with my parents. i mean you'd think living in the same house means more time together but that's not the case lol. they're so busy, then im busy with my friends. i feel bad.
and i got to actually spend time with my family's outdoor cat! his name is winter. people kept on complaining that the name is a bit to the feminine side but whatever it suits him. i mean i always feel like it fits him cos his personality is as cold as winter..... but then it's just my really really lame sense of humor. i do wonder if winter actually misses me.. idk. i can never ever know what my cat thinks. like he'll like rub his face all over me and then when i try to reach out and touch him, he'll be like NOOOOOOPE. and im just waaat. okay maybe i dont get cats at all. but by the end of summer he was willing to actually sleep on my lap so that's a big improvement i guess. yeah cos i bribed him with cat food. lol
i actually miss him so much. my friends wont be happy to hear that lol. cat >>> them
lemme find a picture of winter lol
so yeah im back in davis now. small college town in california~
school has started already and yay i survived the first week. not without any incidents tho. i missed my first lab of the semester cos i overslept. wow good job jane. not a good way to start the semester tbh. i feel like im in such deep shit right now. the professor won't even reply my email. im just sad. i probably deserve it tho so.. okay fine. i will accept your cold shoulder professor.
but yeah besides that everything went smoothly i guess. but dang, davis is tooooo hot i cant wait for summer to end... but then when it gets too cold i'll complain too. i dont know what i want...... im sorry. haha.
am also getting new housemates for the new school year so fingers crossed. i hope i get along with them!! ><
i also still owe one of my friend an electronic love letter a.k.a the birthday posts i usually write here in my blog. so yeah better get to it before it gets too late~! i wish someone would write me a love letter too lol. cut the cheese a bit maybe.. or just lay it thick so that i die from all the cheese.
im debating whether i should put more pictures of myself on this blog.. tbh im kinda worried about showing my face or personal info here, cos i write without beta-ing or filtering my brain. so once again i am truly very sorry if i offended some people who are reading this. i did not intend to do that and please call me out if you think i offended you in some way. i really appreciate it when people point out my mistakes so thanks!
and honestly, i went through a diet program during my summer break in indo. im not very proud of it, haha, cos i used to be sooooo anti diet programs, but after actually doing it i guess im okay with it? i dont know. im still not very big into the whole diet scheme but i do feel a bit better losing a bit of the extra fat i have. i still think that i am too superficial for my own good. i guess its because of the way im brought up as a kid. i dont know. i've talked about this soooo many times, how insecure i was growing up, and the point is, i was not insecure because the other kids made fun of me, i was insecure because of the adults and their "critics". i feel like i grew up in an environment that promotes a certain beauty standard, and because i was different, i failed to "follow" that standard and it turned into an insecurity that still continues today..
i probably never told anyone about this, but sometimes i really really hate some girls just because they are "perfect" according to that specific beauty standard that i was brought up with. sometimes i feel bad about it but i just couldnt stop myself. then i'll feel like such a hypocrite. like oh i hate them but dang i would really want to be like them.
i rarely thought about losing weight in the health aspect. i just want the beauty beauty and beauty. i want compliments. i want people to like me. maybe i want people to hate me too. i dont know. i feel like im always torn between hating people who compliments me for my outer beauty and wanting people to compliment me all the time for simply anything. ((this is turning into a rant)) i need to stop this. haha.
but yeah. i hope i can stop being superficial. and just like myself without hating on other people to make myself feel better. i want to be happy. i hope you guys find your happiness as well :D
annyeong ♡
