this probably will be another word vomit post
but im crying right now. i dont even know why. i dont even want to know why.
sometimes my subconscious knows things far earlier than my awareness does. i get left behind by my brain. 

last class of the semester today. 
im both sad and glad that this semester is over. 

sad because im parting with my lecturers this semester. tbh i rly rly enjoyed philosophy. kurt is a good lecturer. i would take all of his class if only he doesnt teach philosophy hahaha. but srsly he's a cool guy and very very fun to talk to. 
then prof Arack. he's totally the grandpa style lecturer haha. super helpful with my paper writing process and he tries super hard to make us focus in class cos we all know his materials are super super dry and boring. it's just how research methods is. dry. and technical. haha.
then my anthro lecturer, Wynn. she's really into what she's teaching. a tough lady. got me rly into anthropology tbh. i might minor in it haha.
and ofc dr. T~ i like his classes so much im taking biopsyc with him next semester. i just hope i can survive it hue.

glad this semester is over.
because. I AM A MESS. my head is a big damn mess. my life is a mess. my bathroom is a mess. my bedroom is a mess. my apt is a mess. my whole existence is a big mess. 
i just need a break to straighten things up.
i seriously did not have a single. not A SINGLE. full weekend to myself. to grab hold of all the loose ends in my head. i just keep on chucking things everywhere. the things inside my head and outside my head. i need help.
i need to start meditating again. i just need a hug so so bad right now. 
i shld install a pacemaker in my life. someone invent that thing pls.

i just hope nothing will change between my friends during my time at indo.
humans are too fickle. well i am fickle too. 
i feel like everything is slipping away from me tho.
jeff said time will reveal it all. true colors. what is my true color? 
i feel like im constantly changing my mindset every single day as i learn more things in class. but lately i feel as if im getting a bit too arrogant. arrogance is a sign of ignorance. i should cultivate myself~ 
what have i become what have i become. i have become an ignorant little piece of shit hahahha. why am i even laughing. i just want to go back home home home and sleep in my cozy bed. and maybe think about life. and act like a little princess in front of my parents. i miss home.


heh
i'll be fine
we'll be fine jane


annyeong♡