hello darling readers.
yes i'm sorry for abandoning my blog for so long..i'm just sucked in too deep into my problems i find no mood to blog and that i didn't even touch my laptop for 2 weeks straight.


well first of all i'm going to ramble about my problems~
so first of all i just found out that the college DID NOT receive the mail containing my IELTS results.and i just found out 2 days ago cos my uncle called them for me to ask them about my enrollment. and yeah,it took them 1 month and a phone call to tell me that they never received any emails nor the mail i sent them. do you know how frustrated i am when i heard this news i almost just want to sit on the ground and cry but sadly i was not at home at that moment thus i just felt like i wanted to just die. so i couldn't sleep for 2 nights straight and now i feel like i'm going to be ill any moment. 


i feel so dead inside to be honest like what i built has crumbled down into nothing..
but then i shall once again put my faith to God.i believe that if i'm not fated to go to that college,that means God has other plans for me. 
and thankfully my parents are the easygoing types.they are quite okay if i can't make it to the US..as long as i tried my best they will support me in whatever i choose. something i need to thank God for too~ 
well if the worst had too happen,which is i can't make it to the college, i shall just find new activities for myself while i find another college for myself..


what worries me the most right now is my thoughts when i knew about the whole thing. i scared myself to be honest. cos what i thought about at first was NOT what am i going to do about not being able to attend college but how am i going to explain to people why i'm not in college yet. not what to do about the problem,but how am i going to face others when they find out that i'm not going to be able to go to college. for a moment it seemed like my 'face' is going to be more important than my education. for a moment i did not even think about what consequences will the whole thing bring,but the embarrassment i will go through when people ask me when i will be going to college. i realised that i care more about what others think of me than what i think of myself. and it's so deep rooted and i didn't even know when it started. when something happens the first thing that flashes through my mind is "what will they thing about me?" "will they despise me if i did that?" i really don't know what to do about this,but i do think that it's a serious matter and if i don't fix it soon i'll soon get problems.
for more than a month i haven't been able to sleep well and it's seriously affecting my health. and the stress is causing my self confidence decrease a lot.i feel totally insecure without make up right now.even with make up on,i don't feel like taking selcas anymore..waeee??? there was a time when i absolutely love myself..now i have no 'glow' tsk. 






hmm... i was supposed to blog about what i did yesterday.. but forget it i have no mood at all and it's almost 2am..shall play in tumblr for a while then go to sleep~


annyeong~ ☀ <- a sun to energize myself~ huphah!