嗨～
好久沒用中文打字了～ ><
大家最近怎樣了？應該都很好吧？？

上個月回去印尼了，見了很多朋友。可是有些沒能見到的，下次一定要見面哦！
當個留學生 覺得回家時 是最幸福的感覺！！ 好想多回去幾趟 可是那可能啊～ 難道飛機票不用錢嗎？？ 

在聽 norah jones 的歌，感觸超多的。。 因為我媽很喜歡norah jones，現在聽這張album 就想起媽。。 ;A; 自己在國外念書 真辛苦。 :(
因為在印尼有交到一些朋友，一交 就當了十多年的朋友，在這裡覺得特別寂寞。也不知道該相信誰。因為一直有可靠 可信 的朋友，搬來美國時 也很想找到像在高中時認識的朋友。 可是我又能相信誰呢？ 幸好還有慈青們陪我，至少 我不會覺得那麼寂寞。

to be honest.. i might never really broached on this subject before because i think it's super sensitive to some. offensive to others. but there's always this thing stuck in my heart, in my throat, in my head.
how i wish i could tell people that i don't like them shoving things into my head, into my throat. how i wish i have the courage to say "please stop. you're torturing me."
want to know why i never truly felt at place here? it's because sometimes i don't feel like everyone here is on the same page as i am. it's not that im asking for everyone to agree with me, i just wish they would respect me. as a person. and accept me for what i am. not just trying to accept me but still try to change and mold me into something else behind my back. 
maybe because we don't think in the same way. the fundamental way of thinking is different. back in indo, no one really messed with me. we all know our differences and we just kept on minding our own businesses. no one tried to change the others to match with themselves. we just acknowledge our differences and live our lives, together. 
i don't even want to start counting the times where i think, "oh maybe it's because i'm different from them in that way, that's why i'll never be truly accepted"
i know it's stupid. i keep on telling myself so. i try so hard to think of it in a good way, but god it's so hard. it's so hard...... i end up hating it. generalizing. stereotyping. ugh god i hate stereotyping, i really do. i want all this bad feeling to stop. i just want someone to hold my hands and tell me it's okay to be different. it's okay. but more than that, i want someone to come to me and tell me that i'm not that different from them. i'm a part of them. 

i'm so messed up mentally. i would like to say spiritually but, what's a spirit anyways lol ((winks at my cognitive psyc book)) which havent even arrived yet fuck

frick i missed 歲末祝福~~ im gonna hide in a corner and cry now. like srsly...
im really out of it right now. super duper out of it. god save me..


heung. im a mess

good night people~ 

annyeong♡